what-to-do-after-a-fight-with-your-partner

4 Things to Do After an Argument With Your Wife

We got married when my wife, Nancie, was 23 and I was 25, bless our hearts. Our first couple of years were filled with moments of awesome mixed with moments of awful. We should have had moments of awesome—we loved and liked each other, laughed all the time, and lived 15 minutes from the beach. But we also should have had moments of awful. We had no clue what we were doing, especially with conflict. Do you know what to do after a fight with your partner?

After one argument, I drove away pouting and stewing. When I returned, I saw Nancie walking our dog down the street, but I didn’t acknowledge her and drove home. Later she said, “When I saw you driving toward me, I thought you had come to get me.” Oh how I wish I could go back and pick her up. I can’t, but maybe I can help both of us do better next time. To limit the damage, knowing what to do after a fight with your partner is essential. Here are 4 things to do after an argument with your wife.

1. Get curious.

Married couples often say, “We argue about the silliest things.” A towel on the floor, a sour look, or a careless comment can turn into a dumb and disproportionate hit to your marriage. Once you’re calm, ask yourself: What is this really about? Is this really about something that happened last week? Was it my attitude that started the fight? Is she, or am I, afraid, embarrassed, or bitter about something else?

2. Own your part.

It is easy to continue the argument by yourself. You ruminate on how right you are and how wrong she is. But even if you know you are 90% right, owning your 10% can go a long way in protecting your relationship. Maybe your 10% was your tone, assumptions, or something unresolved from the past. Acknowledging your part doesn’t mean you are blaming yourself or taking full responsibility. But it does show respect, builds trust, and reduces defensiveness.

3. Forgive.

For some of us, it’s easy to keep a mental filing drawer of all the things our spouse has done wrong. But that’s not on any list of what to do after a fight with your partner. Forgiveness is a powerful way to repair trust, lower the temperature, and provide a good example for your kid. Go ahead and give the forgiveness today that you will most likely need tomorrow. After all, as Ruth Bell Graham said, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”

4. Circle back.

Once you have calmed down and taken a moment to think, it’s important to come back with grace and gentleness. This is the time to let her know you are committed. This is the time you let her know you love her more than you love being right. This is where you don’t just keep driving. This is where you come to get her.

Sound off: What do you do to repair an argument?

Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What’s the best thing to do after you’ve argued with someone?”