father-abandonment-effects-on-sons

5 Effects Father Abandonment Has on Sons

“OK, Scott, here’s our seats. What do you want to drink?” my dad asked when, in my childhood, he took me to a baseball game. “I’ll have a Coke and a hot dog,” I said. He walked away and was gone for what felt like forever. Busy talking and joking with everyone, he left me to sit alone. Even when he returned, he didn’t pay much attention to me—he was busy talking with everyone else who sat around us. I was there with my dad, but I felt alone.

Maybe this story is similar to yours. When a son feels abandoned by his dad, it can cause significant issues, issues that often creep into how these sons treat their own kids when they grow older. Unfortunately, these behaviors can become a cycle that is passed down from generation to generation. The only way to end the cycle is to learn how to present for our kids. If not, the father abandonment effects on sons are far-reaching. Here 5 effects of father abandonment on sons.

1. It can harm self-esteem and create identity issues.

Growing up without a father figure or having one who is emotionally absent can undoubtedly make us question our self-worth. I often wondered about my father: “If he chose to put everything else in front of me, does it mean I’m not valuable?” This leads to a life-long struggle to know your identity, which can lead to mental health struggles. It’s important to remember that someone else’s choices do not determine our worth.

Stop the cycle: Take an active interest in your son and affirm who he is.

2. It can create fear of abandonment in relationships.

Sons who grow up without a father can often have a shadow over their relationships. This is true of those who are abandoned physically or emotionally. The impact of a father’s absence on a son can be significant, leaving lasting psychological wounds. A son who has experienced the pain of being abandoned can feel he is unworthy of being loved. Therefore, he projects what his dad did on every relationship, feeling that at some point, every person will abandon him. So, he often struggles to build deeper relationships due to his low self-esteem, lack of trust, and paranoia.

Stop the cycle: Be a consistent presence in your son’s life. Follow through when you make promises.

3. It can cause pressure.

Growing up feeling abandoned by my father, I experienced pressure to mature quickly and take on the responsibilities typically associated with being the “man of the house.” This was especially true after getting married at a young age. I felt like I always had to prove myself. Sons who have experienced abandonment by their dads can feel like they never measure up. No one has ever told them that they are a man or showed them how to be one. They feel pressure to perform but consistently feel inadequate. So, they overcompensate by trying hard to do what they think a man would do.

Stop the cycle: Show your son how to be a man, and tell him when he’s arrived at manhood.

4. It can cause emotional suppression.

I used to hold back my emotions, thinking that showing vulnerability was unacceptable. There were moments when the weight of everything became overwhelming. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. It led to the most severe marital challenge I had ever faced, and it shook me to my core to think I could lose my wife and kids if I didn’t better handle my emotions and learn to deal with them in a healthy way. When fathers suppress their feelings, we pass that on to our sons. They will also struggle with comprehending and communicating their feelings. This impedes a son’s ability to mature, as well as causing relational difficulty.

Stop the cycle: Share and process your feelings. Model it for your son and teach him to do the same.

5. It can cause a desperate need for validation.

When a son doesn’t get affirmation or positive attention from his dad, he seeks approval elsewhere and wherever possible. Sometimes, this leads to boys engaging in attention-seeking behaviors that aren’t necessarily productive. They may do this by making others laugh at the expense of someone else or perhaps as serious as engaging in criminal mischief, including drinking, racing cars, doing drugs, or vandalism. All boys need to hear encouragement and words of approval from a father figure. Without it, they can feel a constant need for attention and validation, indicating the emotional emptiness caused by the absence of affirmation from their father.

Stop the cycle: Validate your son. Affirm who he is as a person. Look for things you see in him that make you proud—and tell him.

Sound off: What are some other potential father abandonment effects on sons?

Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What’s one thing you wish I’d do differently?”