Once, while our family was on vacation, we lost one of the hotel room keys. It wasn’t where it was supposed to be, and I was personally perturbed because it was my room key that we couldn’t find. I just knew my wife or one of my kids had taken it and not put it back. As I drilled them, trying to find the whereabouts of my key, my wife gently asked: “Did you check your pockets?” I reluctantly checked, and my key was right where I had left it—in my pocket. Ugh.
Have you ever convinced yourself that something was true only to have to acknowledge the hard fact that you were wrong? As men, we often do this in marriage. We tend to believe lies about our wives that we can become so convinced are true. Sometimes, we even believe these lies due to our own complacency. Here are 5 lies men believe about their wives that we need to guard against.
1. If our sex life were different, I could be happy in this marriage.
In any marriage, sex matters. But as men, if we’re not careful, we can begin to think that it’s the only thing that matters. And when we begin to think our wives are not properly fulfilling our desires sexually, we may buy into the lie that she is the problem. The reality is that for every married couple, healthy sex takes hard work. You didn’t marry an object; you married a person. So remember that a healthy sex life is a journey, not a destination.
2. Because I’m the leader, my wife’s input is less important.
Leadership is influence, and great leaders surround themselves with others who will influence them positively. Your wife needs to be one of your first go-to people for advice and one of your greatest influencers for good. Even though you may be the leader of your home, you are not an island. Your wife’s input into your life and family is both insightful and valuable if you will tap into it to help you be your best.
3. My wife is responsible for my happiness (but I’m not responsible for hers).
It’s easy to come home from a long day’s work and simply want a wife to meet us at the door with a sparkle in her eye, ready to meet our every need. But that’s not reality. Often, your wife may have had just as stressful a day as you did (if not more stressful). When we throw the weight of our happiness on her shoulders, we give her an unfair burden to bear. Marriage is not about making one another happy but about creating a happy life together with the one you love, which will involve good and bad days.
4. My wife should do more around the house than I do.
Whether right or wrong, many wives carry most of the workload at home. And while home responsibilities look different in every family, all family members—including Dad—should pitch in and do their part to make home life successful. For some, this may look more like laundry and dishes versus mowing and maintenance for others. Your wife is not your family’s maid. So take the time to do the dishes, fold the laundry, vacuum a little, or maybe even learn how to do some things that you’ve not yet tried so you can be a team player, not a bossy coach.
5. My wife should just be happy that I’m faithful and a good provider.A good husband will always be a growing husband.
I’ve heard many men over the years use statements like this to justify why they aren’t doing what their wives need them to do in other areas. They’ve bought into the lie that because they’re doing good in some ways, their lack of intentionality in others is excusable. They think as long as they don’t cheat and they contribute financially, it’s OK not to tell her you love her, not to romance her, or to be bad at communicating your thoughts and feelings. But a good husband will always be a growing husband.
Earn some points: Share this iMOM article with your wife: How to Treat Your Husband Like a Man.
Sound off: Which of these 5 lies do you need to guard against the most?
Huddle up with your wife and ask, “In what specific ways could I help us have a happier marriage?”