I am a creature of habit. I can’t say all my habits are good, however. I’m constantly trying to break bad habits like spending too much time looking at my phone. My wife and I recently set a rule in our house that we would not look at our phones while in bed. This certainly has had some positive effects, but it got me thinking about other good habits husbands should have—things to do for your wife every day.
Let your imagination run wild for a moment. If you could show your wife affection and love each night in the ways you think are best, what would you do? Now, ask yourself this: “What does my wife actually need most from me each night?” My hunch is that the answers to these questions may not be the same. I want to challenge you as you read this to do these 5 things for your wife every day for a month and see how it impacts your wife and marriage.
1. ShareYour wife wants a window into your world and she’ll never get it if you don’t open up to her.
Ask questions. Tell her how your day was. Doing this immediately when you get home creates a much-needed reconnection point. I realize the majority of us come home and just want to unwind. For those of us with working wives, the same can be said for them. Tell your wife something made you think of her or a story from the day. You may think it’s uninteresting or may not want to rehash it, but she wants to hear from you. Your wife wants a window into your world and she’ll never get it if you don’t open up to her. In the same vein, ask her for a picture of how her day was—and then listen.
I’m not always great at this, but whenever I pull into the driveway at the end of the day, I think to myself, “OK, my most important work is just beginning.” Whatever my family needs, especially my wife, I want to be ready to help. I know we want to unwind and relax, but the reality is our wives never get a break unless we help them. Let’s not be lazy dads who don’t invest in and aren’t intentional with our families. Oh, and don’t simply ask your wife what you can do to help. Take some initiative and attempt to help out where she needs it. Believe me—anticipating what she may want and need sends a stronger message that you love her and “get” her.
I asked a wise mentor of mine who had been married for over 50 years what the secret is. He simply said, “We laugh a lot.” I know there are lots of hard seasons in life and in marriage, but that’s even more of a reason to laugh together as much as you can. Flirt with your wife. Laugh at yourself. Laugh with the kids. Think about the people you laugh with the most. Don’t you want to be around them more? Of course! Laughing with people you love draws you closer to them. Not only that, but there’s a decent amount of research out there on the health benefits of laughter. Laughing means you are helping each other stay healthy!
I realize that among things to do for your wife every night, this may be the one you think you can easily do—but it’s not what you think. Our wives need physical affection that doesn’t necessarily lead to sex. When’s the last time you hugged your wife and simply held onto her? What about holding her hand on a walk or in the car? A neck rub or an arm around her as you sit on the couch without asking for further intimacy may be what she needs most. Every day you can show some type of physical affection toward your wife (and if it leads to something else later, great—but please don’t make that your angle.).
If you’ve focused on the first four things to do for your wife every night, you will already be encouraging her immensely. The last thing I would say is speak words of encouragement over her as you go to bed each night. Say something like, “I’m still grateful to be your husband and I would choose you again today if I had to do it all over again.” For those of us with a faith background, this could look like praying for your wife as well. No matter what you and your wife are going through, you can encourage her.
Sound off: Which of these five things to do for your wife do you think she would appreciate most?
Huddle Up Question
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “How can we make your mom smile each day this week?”