things that bring couples closer together

5 Ways to Close the Distance Between You and Your Wife

We’ve all seen it, we’ve all commented on it, we’ve all been there ourselves. It’s the couple sitting at the restaurant together staring blankly into space, eating without conversation, their silence saying a lot more than their infrequent words. He doesn’t help her on with her coat. She doesn’t make eye contact. He doesn’t hold her chair. How do we help them? Are there things that bring couples closer together?

The last thing a marriage needs is social distance.

Obviously there could be a thousand reasons for their silence, from a loss to a diagnosis to a fight. Regardless, the last thing a marriage needs is social distance. Don’t let social distance define your marriage.Here are 5 ways to close the distance between you and your wife today.


I always have a few “conversation starter” questions in my back pocket, for guests or dinner out with friends. Why not the same with your spouse? No need for a literal list, but keep some in the back of your mind when you sit down together. For example, “Share something that made you happy today.” “What is the saddest news item you read this week?” “What meal makes you think about being home with your parents? Describe the food and the setting. What feelings come with that?”

Holding Hands

This is among the easiest things that bring couples closer together. It doesn’t matter if you’re on the beach, on a date, or just walking from the car to the mall. Take your wife’s hand and hold it tenderly. Hold her hand in church and when you’re driving.

Opening the Door

All doors, any door. This is another small gesture, but these things are cumulative. “We are not all called to do great things,” St. Teresa of Calcutta said, “but to do small things with great love.” Show your enthusiasm and race ahead. It may make her smile. Sometimes that lean across to grab the door handle may involve a kiss too.

Deliberate Physical Proximity

If you’re watching something on the TV join her on the couch and encourage her to rest her feet on your lap. Hug when one of you comes in the house after work. Kiss her in response to a great meal.


OK, you may be a dance klutz like me, but even I know how to turn off the television, put on a good song, and invite 10 minutes of slow dancing in the kitchen or on the porch. The point is the closeness. Think about two or three songs you know would do the trick.

Sound off: What has brought you and your wife closer together?

Huddle up with your spouse and ask, “I’m brainstorming ways to get closer together. What are some ideas you have?”