As a kid with ADHD before it had a name, I struggled. I would blurt things out at school and home. I was told much more than most kids to watch out, wait my turn, pay attention, and stop talking. While my behavior was understandably frustrating to adults, it was embarrassing and shameful for me.
But I’m so grateful for the adults in my life who, for some reason, could still see the best in me. My grandparents, aunts and uncles, and a few teachers proved to me time and time again that they not only loved me, but they liked me. They saw the best in me. I’ve always imperfectly strived to be that kind of dad to my kids. Here are 5 ways to see the best in your kids.
1. Look your kid in the face.
Neuroscience studies have shown that making eye contact with someone activates empathy centers in your brain. So look your kids in the eye. See the same eyes you saw the day they were born. Treasure their perfect faces. No phone, job, or distraction deserves our glances and gazes more than our kids.
2. Laugh at your kid’s attempts at humor.
Most of our kids turn to us at the pool and say, “Watch this!” In the same way, when they are attempting and often failing at being funny, they are saying “watch this.” When your kid is being funny, silly, or is just happy, remember to smile, delight, and laugh with him or her. When your kids are rejoicing, rejoice back. It’s good for both your souls.
3. Ask your kid questions.
I learned a huge lesson in youth ministry: Questions are the way to the heart of a kid. Questions communicate that you value and care about what your kid thinks, their likes and dislikes, their joys and heartaches.
4. Point out your kid’s strengths.
“You are great at drawing.” “I love the way you treat your sister.” “You always try hard at baseball practice.” “You have a good heart.” As you point out their strengths, focus more on their character than their performance.
5. Remember your own journey.
We see our kids’ behavior through the lens of the adult we are today, but it can be helpful for us to rewind and remember what knuckleheads we were growing up. Like our kids, we were walking around without much of a frontal lobe. It’s helpful to ask, “If I had gone through this same thing as a kid, how would I have wanted my dad to respond?”allprodad
Sound off: How do you bring out the best in kids?
Huddle up with your kids and fill in this blank: “I love that you_________________.”