As I make my regular rounds at church on Sundays, I can’t help but notice multiple kids who are glued to their devices. As a children’s pastor, it’s not only concerning how many kids are getting smartphones at younger and younger ages, but it’s also disturbing how little supervision they seem to have with their device usage. This would seem to indicate much more of the same is likely happening at home.
Most parents realize that their child’s device might be working more against them rather than for them in their parenting. To find out if it’s happening to you, here are 6 questions to ask about your child’s device.
1. Has the device improved our relationship or strained it?
While many parents are thankful for the temporary relief that putting technology in their child’s hand can bring, is it really worth the tradeoff of the tension and disagreements that often accompany it? And are there many, if any, lasting benefits for our children through their screen time?
2. Has it helped or hindered my child in any way spiritually or relationally?
When we were growing up, we didn’t have to worry about cyberbullying or the world of contradictory opinions and values at our fingertips. But now, these things have to be factored into every decision we make for our family, especially decisions that include our kids’ technology. Our children are living in a whole new world. Relationships, opinions, habits, and preferences are being shaped by what they see, hear, and experience online.
3. Is my child’s worldview being affected more positively or negatively by this?
With the average teen spending more than eight hours a day on a phone being influenced by others, is it any surprise when kids start seeing the world through a completely different lens from their parents’ lenses? We need to stay very familiar with and aware of the details of our kids’ technology. Our child’s worldview is our responsibility, and protecting it does not happen automatically but intentionally.
Our children will naturally become more of what they see than what we say.4. Am I training them for future use or feeding a future addiction?
If our kids see us looking at our phones during our free time more than they see us doing anything else, how can we expect anything less from them now or in the future? They are imitating what has been modeled for them. Our children will naturally become more of what they see than what we say.
5. Am I expecting a level of responsibility from my child that I struggle with myself as an adult?
How well can I trust myself with my own device? If we as parents have a hard time with limits and self-restraint, what makes us think that our child does not need limits, filters, and accountability in some practical forms? Most children are not naturally responsible with technology all on their own. But by providing boundaries for them, we are also instilling responsibility in them.
6. If I wouldn’t give my children a loaded gun without any training, should I do anything less with an internet-enabled device?
Statistically speaking, the longer parents can wait to put a smartphone in their child’s hands the better it is for the child emotionally, relationally, and spiritually. However, at whatever age parents decide it’s right to give their child a device, they must be ready to prepare the child for a lifetime of responsible use.
Sound off: In what ways have you recently seen devices and kids’ technology having an impact on your family?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What is something we could do together for fun this week that doesn’t involve a screen?”