The average height for a sixth grader is around 4’10”. The average height for a man is 5’9”. Therefore, if you are a dad of a sixth grader, then you are probably 23% taller than your kid. For perspective, it would be like your boss being 7’4”. If you have an average height 2-year-old, it would be like your boss being 12’8″!
In every way, to your child, you are a giant. So how do we leverage our size advantage and their huge dependence on us? I’m sure you are like me; you want your kids to remember you as a loving father. We want to know how to be a loving father. Here are 7 things your kid needs you to be.
1. Be calm.
When we aren’t calm in our responses, all our kids see and feel is our reaction. So instead of focusing on their own behavior, they are focused on ours. Remaining calm makes it easier for kids to listen and respond. It also gives our kids a sense of security, while modeling how to handle things that don’t go their way.
2. Be affectionate.
Affection from dads comes in many forms, but it needs to come. Wrestling, snuggling, and hugging are all good. It forms a bond that is hard to describe. My sons are now a couple of inches taller than me. I always ask, “Who wants a big hug?” They grunt and roll their eyes. I can live with the thought that my kids may remember me as someone who hugged them too much.
3. Be safe.
Our kids need to know they can come to us without fear of anger and overreaction. We need to be the first person they think of when something goes wrong. While I have many flaws as a dad, my kids know to call me when something has happened. So far, I’ve taught three kids to drive. Apparently, I’m terrible at it. I have received a combined total of five phone calls to inform me they were in accidents, two totaled cars, and only one accident was not their fault. But I remained calm; I’m good during an emergency. It’s the smaller stuff I struggle with. But friends, we want them to come to us. Be safe.
4. Be attentive.
You may be going through the stage of hearing “Daddy watch this!” a thousand times a day. That can be exhausting. But our kids need us to watch, listen, and love with our faces and attention. Have designated times when you are off your phone. I suggest not talking on the phone while they are in the car with you, at mealtimes, or while watching their activities and sports. Your kids need to know that compared to family, nobody else, nothing, and no job comes close.
5. Be warm.
“He’s a big teddy bear.” I love the thought of my kids describing me that way. Translation: “Dad was a big, strong bear, but he was also warm, soft, and reassuring. We want our kids to know how soft our hearts are toward them, and that even when we have to discipline them, the warm part of us doesn’t leave the room.
6. Be strong.
Our oldest daughter has always been a worrier. So often she would be concerned with things she had no control over. My wife and I finally started to reassure her that most of the worries were not her own. We said often, “Baby girl, that’s a big person problem. You don’t need to worry about that. I got you.” Our kids need to see our strength and resolve when things are uncertain.
7. Be gentle.
While in a convenience store, I saw a 4- to 5-year-old boy looking at candy while his dad was checking out. When he was finished, he said in a rough tone, “Let’s go.” The child paused for a millisecond and the dad grabbed him by the arm and said, “I said let’s go!” I don’t know what that dad was going through that day, but he could have handled it more gently. How do I know? Because I’ve had times when I could have handled things more gently. Kids are frustrating, and life is frustrating. But let’s breathe and work with all our might to be gentle giants. We will never regret having big patience and tenderness with our kids.
Sound off: Growing up, who was the gentlest giant in your life?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “When is it most difficult to get my attention?”