Even if you both work from home, what does it look like when you and your wife reconnect at the end of the workday? Are you excited to see each other? Do you compare whose day was the toughest? Do you forget to acknowledge each other?
Research shows that the No. 1 time married couples fight is when they reconnect at the end of the day. And for good reason. The workday can leave us drained, more likely to snap, ignore, or get frustrated with our wives. But with a little intentionality you can make the most tension-filled time the best time of the day. Here are 4 times a day 4 minutes can protect your marriage.
1. Good Morning (When You Wake)
I’m not much of a morning person. My wife on the other hand wakes up like an electric chihuahua. We got a great piece of advice not to talk about anything important before 9 a.m. or after 9 p.m. You can try that to make your mornings better. Here are a few other ideas: If you wake up first, do everything you can to allow your spouse to continue to sleep. Make the coffee. If you get up second, make the bed, or do your wife’s least favorite chore. As we know with our kids, it’s important to start the day off on a good foot.
2. Goodbye (When You Start the Workday)
Even if you work from home, the official goodbye for the workday is an important time to remind your wife you love her. Initiating this will obviously depend on whether you work from home, who leaves first, if you work together… But it is crucial to make a point of shifting from home to work. You don’t need a marching band, but make sure to put down your phone, look her in the eye, smile, and kiss her like you mean it (and don’t forget to brush first). If you leave before she wakes up, leave a note. If she leaves before you wake up, send her a fun and loving text.
3. Hello (When You Reconnect)
This intentional moment, just like the other three, is all about acknowledgement. Let her know you are glad to see her, that you would rather be with her than at work. Do not reconnect while you are on the phone. Nothing says “this moment doesn’t matter” more than that. Speak to her before you speak to the kids. Smile at her. Ask her about her day before you tell her about yours. Listen—really listen—and show empathy. If she is excited about something, you are excited about that something. Or maybe the best option is to say nothing. Just walk in and kiss her for 30 seconds. Unless the kids are watching; then kiss her for 60 seconds. We have to get them to move out some way, and I say we gross them out.
4. Good Night (Before You Go to Sleep)
While going to bed at the same time can be beneficial, it’s just not feasible for all couples. But a bedroom ritual is still important. It’s important to tell your wife you love her and give her a kiss. Each night, my friend puts a glass of water on his wife’s nightstand. She’s shared with my wife how that small thing is a big deal to her. Whatever you choose to do, make sure you end every day in a sweet way.
Sound off: What daily rituals do you use to ensure your wife knows you love her?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What is your favorite way for me to express that I love you each day?”