change your life

How to Change Your Life (When It’s Hard)

I have a question for you, “What’s the one thing that most men want, but are unwilling to do?” The answer: change.

The truth is, we want things to change when we’re in pain, but we don’t want to change if the change will be painful. As a men’s spiritual life coach and mentor, I talk to men every day who express to me that they want their life to change for the better. They want their marriage to change, their relationship with their children to change, their job to improve, their income to increase; but they also want that change to be quick and painless.

So, how can a man really expect to change his life when he’s subconsciously afraid of change? My solution is a radical one. I believe in order for a man to change, especially when it’s hard, he needs to start by changing his definition of the word “change.” Let me explain.

Why do you need to throw out the word “change”?

The traditional definition of the word “change” is “to do something different or go in a different direction either towards the desired result or away from a feared outcome.” However, history shows us that changing just because we feel we “need to” doesn’t work; because most people are just not motivated or self-disciplined enough to maintain and sustain the change. So, why not throw out the word “change” and change the word to something that is more meaningful and will motivate you to take change seriously.

What is a better word? “Commit.”

When it comes to “changing” our lives, change simply isn’t enough. Like I said earlier, when things are going bad, we all want things to change, but the truth is most of us are not “committed” to making the necessary changes. Let me put it another way; it’s not really about how much you want something to change, but more about how “committed” you are to changing it. When Jesus approached a paralyzed man, knowing the man’s condition, he asked him a strange question. Jesus asked him, “Do you want to be healed?” In other words, do you want your paralytic condition to change?

Even though it seemed like the answer would be obvious, I believe Jesus asked this strange question because he knows the heart of men. Jesus knows there’s a huge difference between a man “wanting” to change and being “willing” to do whatever it takes to change. Jesus asked the question to test the man’s “commitment” (his faith) to change. And to his credit, the man “committed” to picking up his mat and walking.

So, if you really want to change your life, stop using the word “change” and start using the word “commit.”

“I will commit to improving my marriage by connecting emotionally to my wife.”

“I will commit to joining a recovery group to deal with my porn addiction.”

“I will commit to leading my family intentionally.”

“I will commit to exercising and taking better care of my body.”Stop the insanity of ‘trying to change,’ and start ‘committing to the change’ you want to see.

“I will commit to reading my Bible daily.”

So, stop the insanity of “trying to change,” and start “committing to the change” you want to see. And trust me, your life will never be the same.

Sound off: What change are you going to commit to in your life?

Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What are some things in your life that you would like to see change?”