importance of sex in marriage

5 Reasons Sex Takes a Back Seat in Marriage

A healthy sex life is vitally important to maintaining a healthy marriage of lifelong love and commitment. When my wife and I married, we decided, like many couples, that we’d wait at least a couple of years before having kids. We wanted to make sure we had plenty of time to prioritize one another before building a family together. We had lots of alone time and carefree sex with no distractions until four months into marriage—when my wife got pregnant.

A healthy sex life is vitally important to maintaining a healthy marriage of lifelong love and commitment. Many things changed from that moment forward, and we had to learn how to cope with new normals, especially when we prioritized the importance of our sex life. I’m sure you can relate. Despite the importance of sex in a marriage, couples often neglect it. Here are 5 reasons why sex takes a back seat (plus ways to get your sex life back on track).

1. Children

Children are among the greatest blessings of marriage. But they’re not always a blessing to a couple’s sex life. Children bring joy, but they also bring distractions—lots of them. And the time-consuming nature of parenting can leave both spouses exhausted at the end of the day. As a result, sex often takes a back seat.

Pro-tip: Be intentional. Put the kids to bed early and lock the bedroom door. Or if needed, put their favorite movie on to create the margin needed to prioritize each other.

2. Sleep

Statistically, a new parent loses nearly two hours of sleep every night for the first year after having a baby. So while your body may have been used to getting seven to eight hours of sleep per night, you’re now having to function on five to six. Even if you don’t have young kids, lack of sleep or difficulty sleeping can affect a spouse’s moods, availability in the bedroom, and desire for sex.

Pro-tip: In addition to practicing shared responsibilities with the kids, fight against enemies to healthy sleep habits, like late-night eating and mindless phone scrolling. And even if it’s not possible to improve your sleep at this time, remember to show compassion toward one another’s needs while still communicating how best to meet those needs.

3. Overcommitment

Most families are overcommitted with their time and schedules. Many parents even know that their busy lives are keeping them from some of the most important things. Yet it’s so easy to continue in the “rat race” despite its negative effects on family life and your sex life.

Pro-tip: Schedule sex so it doesn’t get squelched out by your schedule. Start the week by committing to a specific day for sex so you both can anticipate making love.

4. Lack of Exercise/Health

In America, 36 percent of adults are obese and another 32 percent are overweight. That’s more than 2/3 of the entire population. How is this affecting our sex lives? Sadly, it’s affecting them greatly. From poor body image to sluggishness, and lack of attractiveness or desire, bad health affects libido in a marriage.

Pro-tip: Collaborate with your spouse on some ways to commit to giving attention to your health and some fun ways to reward yourselves.

5. Complacency

For most marriages, the greatest reason that sex takes a back seat is simply that we’re willing to settle for a boring sex life rather than putting in the necessary work to make it better. We want to enjoy the delicious end result without having to do the prep-work of cooking up great sex together.

Pro-tip: Seek to become a better student of your spouse, and give your spouse permission to teach you. Get intentional about communication outside the bedroom and creativity inside the bedroom.

Earn some points: Share this iMOM article with your wife: Is Sex Important in a Marriage?

Sound off: In what ways could you be more intentional in your sex life as a couple?

Huddle up with your wife and ask, “How can we improve our sex life?”