Be honest—has your mouth ever gotten you into trouble? I get paid to run my mouth for a living, but I’ve put my foot in my mouth so much that my breath probably smells like rubber soles. The problem is my mouth is my superpower, but whenever I misuse it, it also becomes my kryptonite.
Over the past 26+ years as a professional speaker, I’ve learned to ask God for 4 things to prevent my mouth from saying the wrong thing and getting me into trouble. I hope they will prevent you from doing the same.
1. “God, help me not PRETEND when I speak.”
When you speak, simply tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Don’t exaggerate to make yourself look good or make the other person look bad. Don’t even tell a “half-truth,” because in reality, a “half-truth” is nothing but a “whole lie.” The Bible says let your “yes” simply be “yes” and let your “no” simply be “no.” Your dialogue should be for communication, not manipulation.
2. “God, help me not BEND when I speak.”
Whenever you open your mouth, never be afraid to speak the truth just because you think it might be unpopular. In other words, don’t just go along to get along; that doesn’t empower people, it enables them. Whenever you “bend” and compromise the truth to “keep the peace” with others, you also compromise your integrity. Jesus called us to be peacemakers, not peacekeepers. And we know the secret to misery is to try to please everyone.
3. “God, help me not DEFEND myself when I speak.”
It’s one thing to try to protect others by compromising (or “bending”) the truth, which is wrong, but it’s just as detrimental to yourself if you try to protect yourself from the truth by defending a wrong position. Never allow yourself to be what I call “stuck on stupid” just so you can save face and protect your image or reputation. It’s not worth it, and you’ll eventually leave a trail of broken relationships in your wake. And even when you’re right, never try to defend yourself against people who refuse to listen to truth. Don’t take offense; just love them and pray for them.
4. “God, help me not OFFEND others when I speak.”
Yes, we are to speak the truth, and not compromise it, but you should always speak the truth in love. Meaning, always cover your speech with kindness, compassion, gentleness, and mercy. I’m not saying I always do it, but that’s the goal. Even when you’re speaking the truth, it’s not just about being right, but about being and staying in right relationship with the other person. Before I speak a “tough truth” to someone, I ask myself, “Will it hurt me to tell them this?” Because if it doesn’t hurt me too, then I probably shouldn’t speak it to you.
Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits Highly Effective People, says to “begin with the end in mind”—and I agree. Before you open your mouth, always start with the “ends:” I promise you if don’t PRETEND, BEND, DEFEND, or OFFEND, not only will you stay out of trouble, you will stay in right relationship with those who matter most to you.
Sound off: What are some other things we can do to keep us from saying the wrong thing?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “How do you keep yourself from saying the wrong thing?”