“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” Mark Twain’s words about truth are true. But is everything we think of as true actually true? There are so many lies we believe. I’ll give you one example. Shaving your head will make your hair grow back thicker. That’s a lie from the devil. Not true. Debunked. While this lie may not affect you as much as it has me, you no doubt realize we can believe things that simply aren’t true.
There are several lies we believe as dads—myths, even—that can have negative consequences for us and our families. But if we stop believing them, I believe we will find more rest, peace, and joy. Here are 3 myths dads need to stop believing.
Myth #1: I can do it all.
The “I can do it all” dad often overworks, enables, and doesn’t delegate anything. You try to do everything. And, in doing everything, you’re frustrated, overwhelmed, and disgusted with others. You’ll say things like “If you want something done, you gotta do it yourself!” or “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”
We go wrong thinking we can do it all because it’s impossible to keep up this pace. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, and exhausted, you’re doing something wrong. There was a time when Jesus was with His friends on a boat and a terrible storm hit them. In the middle of the chaos, Jesus slept. God not only rested but He commanded us to rest. The truth is you can’t do it all. You were never meant to.If you’re feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, and exhausted, you’re doing something wrong.
Myth #2: I need to put myself first.
The “I need to put myself first” dad is the opposite of the above and tends to confuse self-care and selfishness. From my experience, most guys who take time for hobbies often overdo it. Their evenings and weekends quickly become more filled with their hobbies than their families. As the years go by, I hear these same dads lament that they don’t feel connected to their kids.
One dad told me a few months ago about feeling overwhelmed as a husband and dad. “I just need to do me,” he said. I knew what he meant. This dad ultimately was saying he wanted to be detached from his responsibilities and live for himself. He ended up leaving his wife and kids. When me-time becomes more about selfish disengaging than selfless refueling so you can give more, you’ve lost the point.
Myth #3: I can be perfectly balanced in all things.
Being the “I can be perfectly balanced in all things” dad shouldn’t be your goal. Trying to perfectly balance everything can get you off track pretty quickly. The problem isn’t that balance isn’t a good thing. It’s just that we try but can’t find it. Perfect balance is too elusive. Trying to stay perfectly balanced will make the road you’re on feel more like you’re driving on ice. It’s only a matter of time before you’re on one side of the ditch. I’ve found that being present is a better goal. With being present as your goal, you’ll be more likely to find focus.
Sound off: Which of the lies we believe do you struggle with most?
Huddle Up Question
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “Do you feel like you get enough time to connect with me?”