application to date my daughter

Now Accepting an Application to Date My Daughter

Last weekend, my wife and I took our kids to a park. It was fun to watch our kids run all over the place and play. My kids couldn’t be more different when it comes to playing. My son likes to play rough, warlike games with lots of running – pretty stereotypical. My daughter, on the other hand, prefers a much more calm form of play. When we go to the park, my son tries to find other kids to play with; he can normally be seen running around with a couple of kids almost instantly. However, my daughter will normally be seen off by herself somewhere. On this day, I had been looking at my son when I realized I should locate my daughter. I quickly found her playing with a boy. When my wife asked if I saw her, I said, “Yes, she’s over there and she’s found a boyfriend.”

I did a quick flash forward in my head of the guys who will eventually show up at our house to date her. When a company is looking to hire for a certain position they put together a job description to fill. It is a set of clearly expressed duties and expectations. I thought it would be fun to put together an application to date my daughter. Yours might be very different than mine. My daughter’s application might also be different, but I can only hope and pray that they overlap. So here goes:

This is what a job description to date my daughter would look like.

Job Description

In search of respectful and courteous young men. As my daughter’s date, you are to ensure her physical and emotional security at all times. You are responsible for meeting her expectations in the creation, planning, and implementation of the activities during the date. All activities are to be fully funded by you, the applicant. At the completion of the date, it is your duty to return my daughter safely at the agreed upon time.


Your duties will include but are not limited to ideation and implementation of a date that shows an attentiveness to her likes. Execution of an excellent date should involve intelligent, stimulating, and entertaining conversation.


The main requirement is to possess a genuine and good heart stemming from a relationship with God. Applicant should display a proven ability to develop healthy relationships. He must possess a strong ability to invoke self-discipline, particularly in the area of physical touch. All young men in this position should be able to discern when it is appropriate to kiss her. If you have difficulty knowing when this is, please consult the boss. (Hint: That’s me. It shouldn’t be for a long time.) If you believe sex before marriage is appropriate, you may proceed by withdrawing your application and seeking other dating opportunities. Finally, the candidate should strive to be a person of integrity, have a safe driving record, and disciplined in punctuality.

Advancement Opportunity

Opportunity for advancement is available depending on your level of interest and that of my daughter. It will require a higher level of dedication, including a willingness to put her needs above your own, being patient with her fluctuating emotions, and undeterred faithfulness. You must also possess the necessary skills in making her laugh. She likes to do that a lot.

We look forward to your interview.

Huddle up with your daughter and ask, “What qualities would you like in a husband?”