“Daddy, let me in,” my daughter was banging on her door as I locked myself in to be able to bag all the toys she no longer uses. I tried doing it with her, but she wanted to keep everything. Every item had sentimental value and a story attached, but all I could think of was too much stuff in her room. She typically sleeps with a mountain of stuffed animals, and instead of donating them, I compromised—we could put them away in the attic.
Author Matthew Kelly discusses the “ism” of materialism and how material possessions can quickly become more valuable than character. Looking around her room at all the toys and technology she’s accumulated, admittedly, I’ve allowed this particular “ism” to flourish in my household. But it’s not the only “ism” that poses a problem. There are other “isms” and parenting styles that hurt your child and mine. Here are 5 other “isms” that are hurting your kids.
1. Perfectionism
Remember when your kid won second place in the school race? He looked so proud, but all you could think was, “Yeah, but it’s not first.” As a perfectionist, I’ve been guilty of this, and it’s a slippery slope. Setting unrealistically high standards can wreak havoc on our children’s self-esteem. Instead of demanding perfection, focus on promoting a growth mindset. Encourage your kids to embrace challenges and learn from their mistakes. When my daughter struggled with memorizing her multiplication tables, I said, “I love how hard you’re trying. What can we learn from this?”
2. Favoritism
If you have more than one kid, you know how easy it is to fall into favoritism. Maybe one child excels in sports while another struggles, and you praise the athlete more often. However, favoritism can seriously damage a child’s self-worth. Every child deserves our love and attention equally. Instead of comparing, celebrate each child’s unique strengths and talents, even if it means you have to start taking an interest in something you might feel is boring.
3. Authoritarianism
Authoritarianism is definitely one of the parenting styles that hurt your child. If you’re like me, perhaps you have tried screaming, yelling, and punishing your kids to show them who’s boss, but it never works. An authoritarian parenting style might seem like a way to maintain order, but it can seriously hinder our kids’ independence and decision-making skills. Finding the right balance between guidance and autonomy is critical.
4. Pessimism
It’s easy to always look at what’s wrong. But constantly focusing on the negative can profoundly impact our kids’ development and future outlook. Try to cultivate optimism and resilience in your parenting approach. When my daughter was nervous about her first day of elementary school, we discussed all the exciting opportunities ahead instead of dwelling on her fears. It didn’t eliminate her anxiety, but it helped her face the challenge with a more positive mindset.
5. Traditionalism
“Well, that’s how I was raised, and I turned out fine!” Sound familiar? While there’s value in tradition, clinging to outdated parenting methods can be harmful. The world our kids are growing up in is vastly different from the one we knew. Adapting to our children’s unique needs and modern challenges is crucial. For me, this meant rethinking my stance on technology. Instead of banning screens outright, I’ve worked on teaching responsible digital citizenship.
Sound off: What are some other isms and parenting styles that hurt your child and mine?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “Which one of your possessions would you be willing to give away?”