connect with kids

5 Questions to Connect to the Hearts of Your Children

Because of out-of-control schedules, work demands, family responsibilities, and financial stress, it’s not only becoming increasingly harder to spend quality time with our children but also to find the time to connect to their hearts.

And the most challenging time to connect with kids is during the transition period between the tween and teenage years when they are trying to gain their independence. So allow me to share with you some ways to effectively connect to your children’s hearts when time is limited. All you have to do is learn to ask your children these 5 questions, in the context of your family, their friends, school, or possibly work.

  1. What are you a little AFRAID of about ______________?
  2. What do you wish you could CHANGE about _______________?
  3. What do you have a hard time UNDERSTANDING about _______________?
  4. What are you most THANKFUL for in your life right now?
  5. What are you most EXCITED about regarding ________________?

If you look carefully, the first letter of each word spells “A-C-U-T-E.” Webster’s defines the word “acute” as being sharp, intense, penetrating, and discerning. How appropriate is that definition when you’re connecting to and learning the heart of your children?

As fathers, it’s not our job to solve or provide answers to all our kids’ problems and challenges.
  • Question 1 (AFRAID): It reveals the doubts and fears your children have.
  • Question 2 (CHANGE): It reveals your child’s frustrations and discontentment, whether at school or in the home.
  • Question 3 (UNDERSTANDING): It reveals your kid’s personal concerns and curiosity about things and issues.
  • Question 4 (THANKFUL): It reveals the emotional state of your child, whether he or she’s happy or sad about how life is going.
  • Question 5 (EXCITED): It reveals your kids’ personal desires and what they’re passionate about.

Be prepared for the answers your kids might give you to these questions. Some of their responses may even surprise you. But as fathers, it’s not our job to solve or provide answers to all our kids’ problems and challenges. Our job is to connect to their hearts, so we can better relate to them in such a way that we can eventually teach them how to solve their own problems.

Sound off: What questions do you usually ask to connect with kids?

Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What is your biggest fear?”