secrets in marriage

Should I Confess Secrets to My Wife?

No one gets out of this life with a perfect record. We all have secrets. Things that we did, things we’ve thought, and all things we hide. Show me a closet with no skeletons in it, and I’ll show you the closet of a liar. No one gets out of this life with a perfect record. The entire world does not need you to share your secrets. But does your wife? Yes, she most certainly does.

How do we and our marriages benefit when we confess those secrets to our wives? Here are three key benefits of not keeping secrets in marriage.

Peaceful Heart & Mind

When we present anything less than the truth to our wives it may prevent temporary pain, but it also builds internal walls in the relationship. For instance, if you’re a man looking at porn and self-satisfying most nights but keep that from her, she might not know what’s going on, but she surely feels your absence. Her heart becomes troubled, your mind feels guilty, and the longer it festers the bigger the issue gets. You’re both trapped in these emotions with no remedy. Truth and confession are the solutions to bring peace to the heart and mind. However, seek out counsel before your confession to think through how it will affect your wife and prepare for the ramifications. Tell her what you’re doing, and give grace to the consequences that will take time to heal.

Better Health

If you have secrets, you carry unnecessary burdens. That kind of thing is a major factor in physical health, particularly stress. It’s like a cancer that spreads throughout your life. The act of confession serves to release that burden and promotes healing. Men tend to bury things like financial woes and job issues thinking they are protecting their loved ones. You’re not; you are isolating them. Tell your wife what’s going on and it will improve your health.

Stronger Marriage Bond

Remember this? “To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.” That’s the vow. She can’t help you when she doesn’t know the full story. She can’t fulfill her duty based on half-truths and missing information. Secrets have no place. There are plenty of secrets of mine that my wife wishes she didn’t need to know, but she grasps that she must. That’s how unbreakable marriage bonds are built.

Huddle up with your kids and ask, “How can keeping secrets hurt you?”