Men, do you know what your wife wants out of sex? We may think we know what our wives want, but often, we don’t. When’s the last time you asked? Too many relationships struggle because husbands don’t consider their wives’ desires. We don’t often think about our role in creating closeness for a thriving marriage.
In the old movie City Slickers, Billy Crystal said, “Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” If you haven’t already, you’ll eventually run into differences with your wife in your view of sex. Recognizing the differences will help you address them and if you address them, you will grow closer. Here are 3 of the biggest sex mistakes men make.
Mistake 1: Thinking Sex Starts in the Bedroom
Culture has corrupted intimacy. TV and movies depict couples going from fighting to having sex. It’s unrealistic to think she can go from zero to 60—from nothing to the bedroom—that fast. Instead, it starts the moment you wake up. Maybe it’s a hug or surprise kiss to show how much you love and desire her. Perhaps it’s a text telling her you can’t wait to see her. The point is, sex starts when you show you care for your wife throughout the entire day, not just the moment you want it.
Mistake 2: Missing the Connection Piece
Men have sex and then feel connected. Women connect and then are more likely to feel like having sex. As husbands, we make the mistake of thinking we can have sex without connecting first. Sadly, many husbands in our culture have viewed pornography. So, they expect their wives to be like a character they’ve seen on screen. They exchange the twisted transaction on the screen for a real connection with their wives.
By the end of every day, your wife should feel like she’s the most important person on earth to you.Instead of trying to have sex with your wife before connecting, learn to focus on her. Make it your priority to slow down and talk to her. Take time to find out how she’s feeling. Do you know how her day went? When you’re talking to her, are you picking up her nonverbals? Make sure you’re tuned in to her frequency. By the end of every day, your wife should feel like she’s the most important person on earth to you. Why? Because you’ve made her feel that way the entire day.
Mistake 3: Thinking of Yourself First
With physical intimacy, are you more concerned about her pleasure or yours? Sex should be more about her and less about yourself. So, who are you thinking about first? And do you know what she wants? Focus on meeting her desires. Talk about them with her. Listen and focus on her enjoyment rather than your own.
Sound off: What would you add to the list of the biggest sex mistakes men make?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What might it mean when we make the same mistake over and over?”