I spent a good part of my life living in Florida. The beaches were just a few minutes from the house, and I’d take my family there quite often to enjoy the sand and sun. But I noticed one thing during our trips that always has stuck with me. We’d wade out in the water and lose track of time, only to look up and notice we were three lifeguard stands from where we had started. We had drifted down the beach without even knowing it. And it hit me—this is exactly what happens to so many of us in many areas of life.
We look up and find ourselves somewhere we never intended to be, wondering, “How did I get here?” It happens in our careers and in our marriages, families, and relationships with God. As dads, there are so many competing interests constantly pulling on us. The calendar is demanding. Our jobs are demanding. There are so many things that can distract us and leave us “drifting” from where we want to be as fathers. I’ve met plenty of dedicated players and coaches who achieved so much on the field yet came up short at home and wondered, “How did I get here?” To prevent that, we must be a present parent and be purposeful. Here are 3 ways for dads to avoid drifting.
1. Begin with a vision.
Just as in football, I always began with the end in mind. As a young coach, I was determined not to be like so many coaches and players I had met who were extremely successful in the workplace but had sacrificed their home lives and were so burdened with regrets. I desired to have a loving, respectful family where love and joy abounded, and Jesus was at the center. It was also important to me to be the coach God called me to be.
To be successful on both sides of the equation was not going to be easy, but I believed with all my heart that God intended for us to get both sides of the equation right. If I was not purposeful, it would be impossible.
2. Create great routines.
I have coached incredible quarterbacks in my career, including Super Bowl champs like Tom Brady and Peyton Manning. These guys were the best because they were always focused on excelling at daily tasks. They never had an off-season. They committed 365 days a year to being great at what they did. It will take nothing less to be great husbands and fathers. I, like Tom and Peyton, love a good routine. Why? Routines keep us on track. I have found it critical to begin my day with God and in His Word. It begins with me being the man I’m supposed to be and the man God called me to be.
Routines like being in church as a family whenever possible, having regular family devotions, and praying with my kids at the beginning and end of the day were very important to me. Things as simple as talking after a meal as a family, using questions—”How was your day?” “Tell me what you like about your best friend.” “What would you like to see God do for you if He gave you one favor?”—can lead to some special times your kids will never forget. There were times it was tough or impossible to do, but we must be committed to doing these things regularly.
It was important to schedule regular time with my wife and the kids individually so we could “shovel,” as I call it—dig deeper into how they were feeling and what was going on in their lives. Again, not easy, but I really wanted to develop the skill and become great at building deep relationships with them. Now, with grown daughters and six grandkids, I remain committed to working at it with each of them. To me, these are the fundamentals, and practicing them over and over is critical to not drifting off course.
3. Go for it.
I have never met a player who didn’t want to be all pro. To hit that goal, you must dedicate hours and hours of time, sweat, and effort to your craft. The trap that catches so many guys is the idea that you can only be all pro at one thing. That’s a lie! You can be an amazing professional and be a present parent. You can succeed at work and be an incredible, involved, loving father at the same time. You don’t have to choose.
May we be men who have the same commitment to being great all pro husbands and fathers as we have to being all pro players. Let’s constantly work to improve our skills in these areas as we do with our sport. Find other men who have the same commitment as you to being great family men. It’s so important to have some great models in your life. Count on some bumps, twists, and even temporary failures along the way. Perhaps you’ve already made a mess of things. It’s never too late to be a present parent. You don’t know what God might do in your family if you’ll commit to doing things His way. Get up and get right back to the fundamentals.
Sound off: Do you know how to be a present parent? What are some other things dads can do?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What’s one thing you’d like to do that you’ve never done before?”