If jewelers are to be believed, the key to your wife’s heart is an unusually large diamond. Maybe it’s attached to a necklace or a ring. Regardless, they tell us that what wives need from their husbands is for us to drop a lot of money on jewelry. This is ridiculous on its face, but we all still fall for it. Or at least enough of us fall for it that they continue to market that lie year after year (especially around mid-February).
There are many things we try to use to win our wives’ affection. And it’s not all bad. Buying your wife something beautiful because you love her isn’t wrong. But if you do it without giving attention to more important things, it becomes a woefully inadequate proxy for what she really needs. Here are 7 ways to your wife’s heart that make a far greater impact than diamonds.
1. Listening
Lots of men are great at giving advice or our opinion to their wives. But we’re not great at listening. When we do listen, it’s to acquire data so as to solve the problem. But what wives need from their husbands are partners who are willing to listen in order to understand. This type of listening creates connection and deepens the bond with your wife.
2. Laughter
Many of us take life far too seriously. Granted, there are many difficult things we have to navigate. And often there are challenges we navigate as husbands and wives that are overwhelming. In the face of such heaviness, we can forget the importance of play. As a couple, you were made to do good work together, yes, but you were also made for play—for fun. What wives need from their husbands is partnership—your wife needs a partner she can laugh with, even when times are hard.
3. Silence
I’m sure you have strong opinions on how your wife should handle certain situations. You may disagree with an approach she is planning to take. However, here’s the thing—our wives are grown ups. They are capable of way more than we often give them credit for. If we want increased intimacy with our wives, what wives need from their husbands is to know they are respected. This means there are times when you simply need to keep silent and trust her to make the right decision (even if it’s not the one you would make).
4. Service
How do you serve your wife? When do you set aside something you want (watching the game, spending time with the guys) to do something for her? Our wives are often the silent servants of the home, doing the behind-the-scenes work without receiving any credit for it (and they often do so happily). But what are the ways you are intentionally serving your wife without looking for credit? What wives need from their husbands is for us to be willing to serve.
5. Initiative
Is “date night” always your wife’s idea? Is she the one who has to talk you into taking time off work to get away? When was the last time you took initiative to show your wife she’s the most important person in your world? I know life gets busy, but it’s critical for connection that your wife knows you value her. What wives need from their husbands is for us to be willing to take initiative in taking time together.
If you want to build lasting intimacy with your wife, model humility in your partnership with her.6. Creativity
There’s nothing wrong with routine, but sometimes you need to shake things up. When was the last time you surprised your wife (in a good way)? Planning something creative to show your love communicates to your wife that you are thinking about her and that she means enough to you that you’re willing to put the work in. What wives need from their husbands is someone who is willing to do the work to be creative.
7. Humility
I’ve already mentioned the fact that women often do their work behind the scenes in ways that don’t receive accolades. That takes a special kind of humility. What wives need from their husbands is partners who will step up and actually partner without looking for credit. A man doesn’t need someone to say “thank you” when he does the dishes or stays home with the kids so his wife can go out with friends or do any number of other things that our wives do for us all the time. If you want to build lasting intimacy with your wife, model humility in your partnership with her.
Sound off: What other ways can a husband use to capture his wife’s heart?
Huddle up with your wife and ask, “What do you find yourself thinking about most lately?”