ways to divorce proof your marriage

10 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage

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In a report from the National Survey of Families and Households, 5,232 married adults were interviewed and 1,315 said they were “unhappily married.” Five years later, the same adults who said they were unhappily married, some of whom had divorced and some of whom had stayed married, were interviewed again.

Nearly 80% of the couples who decided to stick it out and stay together considered themselves “happily married” and “much happier.” Of the couples who got divorced, only 19% reported being happy.

Here’s the moral of the story: If you are thinking of divorcing your wife because you’re simply unhappy in your marriage, DON’T do it. Studies show you’ll be much happier in the end, if you can work through the issues. The grass is always greener where you water it. To that end, here are the 10 ways to divorce proof your marriage:

  1. Be faithful: Put your wife at the top of every relational list you have. Love her unconditionally and love her with every ounce of creativity you can muster. This may sound like a no-brainer, but the practice of faithfulness requires vigilance every day. Faithfulness is far more than a physical condition. If you’re still unclear, ask yourself the following questions to who is #1: Who do I spend the most time with? Who is my primary emotional confidant? Who do I text most often?Who do I call? Who gets my emails? Who lights up my fantasy life?
  2. Surround yourselves with strong relationships: When the couples around you separate or get divorced, ending your marriage begins to look par for the course. Peer pressure doesn’t let up just because we left high school. So make peer pressure your ally – Be deliberate about forging friendships with strong couples and people who live their commitment out loud. Put yourself in an encouraging place – Look around, ask yourself where marriage is valued and positive relationships are encouraged. If it’s your local church, then get involved as a family and do what it takes to get the encouragement that we all need.
  3. Get helpIf you can take your car in for a 30,000 mile checkup, then why not your marriage? Counseling can be preventative; it’s not just for emergencies. Alternatively, join some kind of a support group where there is instruction, encouragement and accountability. We weren’t created to live alone, and we don’t have to solve our problems in a vacuum.
  4. Take care of your financesMoney problems are the #1 cause for marital discord. Make sure you and your wife are on the same page financially and then work hard to keep your heads above water.
  5. Tell your wife everything. Be an open book: What’s most important here is to be on the same page. Simply put, don’t engage in activity that sets the relationship up for additional stress. Be sensitive to your wife and be respectful of the boundaries you agree on. If you meet attractive people at work, make sure your wife is the first to know. If an old girlfriend initiates a contact via email, share the conversation with your wife. If you can’t talk about it in the open, then you don’t need to be doing it in the first place. Secrets are dangerous, period. Best friends talk about everything, and stuff that’s out in the fresh air of communication won’t have a dark place where it can grow mold.
  6. Spend time together. Relax and play: You got married because you wanted to be together – so be together already! Absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder; absence hurts. Hang out, play board games, go to dinner, garden, travel – you may fall in love all over again.
  7. Date on a regular basis: Don’t be boring; Get creative. You wanted to wow her back in the day – why stop just because you’re married? Remind one another how cool it is to be together. Taking one another for granted is like death by slow poisoning. Really, you can do better.
  8. Dream togetherAn ancient proverb says, “Without a vision, the people perish.” Try sharing your hopes and dreams with your spouse. Then listen. Dreaming together puts a positive future right in the middle of your struggling present.
  9. Make out: Did we really say that? Well, yes! If your wife doesn’t know that you still find her attractive, then do something about it ASAP. One of the primary reasons that men (and women) stray from their wedding vows is boredom. Don’t be that guy.
  10. Be intentional about your relationship: Remember the story of the sheep, the thoughtless munchers who simply nibbled themselves lost? Relationships can be a lot like that. It’s just an omission here, a slight there, a moment of indiscretion one day, a secret another. Nobody sets out to destroy a marriage – it just happens. Well who said it had to? Who decided that the primary relationship that anchors the family, the foundational building block of society, was less important than anything else in your life? Make a decision! Step up! Be intentional about making your marriage amazing.

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Sound Off

Sound Off: What is the most difficult thing your marriage has survived?


 

  • Mamamia

    I starte our marriage with these things in mind and they had been discussed at length before marriage and agreed upon

    A new career and new friends do my husband drew his heart away as he felt “justified” by their mocking the faith he once was involved in growing and mocking me as I continued in my walk

    His insistence upon doing things his own way…having his privacy and dismissing any and all input from me or anyone encouraging the wiser things to build his love and marriage was exchanged for the things of those who loved the world and selfish interests excused as ” business”

    This destroyed his regard for living an upright moral life as he traded everything for instant gratification and serving others….including other women

    His secret life was guarded and well hidden even from me until one day I was looking for some papers he asked me to and came upon photos of the two children he had “given” in exchange for the OWs silence about their long time agreement for sexual pleasure and her maintenance

    It was at that time our 26th year

    God was central to my life before and throughout a very lonely marriage and as such I defermened to make submitting to my husbands wishes a priority

    His wish was to withhold his thoughts and activities from me….only including me when it was necessary to demonstrate that he had a wife …a prop before others in the corp world

    I home schooled our children all the while …he was most of the time too busy “paying the bills” and I honored that and was grateful

    He took advantage of me and even our children

    He grew more selfish and isolated after D day…..retreating into a separate living place and hating the OW ” for leading him into such a life”!

    He has SAID he is “sorry” but so far it appears he is not owning his part in his sinful life he created all the while denying all of the things he agreed upon and vowed about marriage and its demands

    His family friends and co workers turned his heart away with little resistance once he cared more for what people thought about him than how God had instructed him to live

    If a man rejects his Lord and chooses to willfully reject instruction

    Then Proverbs is true and my husbands life is a testimony to them

    All his wealth has been lost and his influence upon our children and the others by his adultess has been a disaster

    He was not a “loser” by the worlds standards but an accomplished student….a skilled athlete and for a time in the minor leagues …popular and loved as a leader in the corp world

    He simply refused to care about guarding me from the hurt of how he effected other women and denied that his charming ways were anything for him to consider

    I once tried to spark with him about this and he said that he spoke with the women at work the same as the men but I told him the women took it differently….and it also was hurtful to me…and damaging to his witness

    He scoffed at me

    He was unwilling to learn to guard his heart for the sake of the witness of Christ…for the sake of his wife and his life in marriage and the sake of even protecting the hearts of women who were unlearned and unaware of their own need to keep their thoughts from wandering into wrong intentions

    Still married now 35 years

    He’s living on his own

    This has been a time of mourning and study further in the Word for me

    He still serves himself

    Our children remain unmarried and may never have families of their own since time fertility time is passing quickly by

    So what we don’t know certainly does harm us and those who are victimized by lies

    He himself hates himself despite my efforts to convey forgiveness and willingness and desire for him to return and repent which I pray will be how the Lord will bring all redemption to bare upon this sorrowful circumstance

    Heed the wisdom of Gods daily bread come down from heaven and dispise not the mercy of the Lord

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What steps can we take now to make sure we never get a divorce?

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