how to make your wife happy

How to Make Your Wife Happy

I was on the phone with my mom shortly before Valentine’s Day. She asked me what I had planned and specifically if I was going to get her a gift. I told her I wasn’t sure. That’s when she gave me some advice. She told me I should get her a nice piece of jewelry. It was a good idea and, honestly, I’ve never gotten my wife a single piece of jewelry so it would be a pleasant surprise to her. I thought about it for awhile and then a different idea hit me when I heard my wife say a day later, “I wish I had my teapot back.” My wife loves her tea and so she used to have a top-of-the-line teapot. Unfortunately, that teapot was ruined a couple of years ago.

I went with the top-of-the-line teapot. You’re probably thinking what my mom thought. When I told her my decision, she said, “Ugh. You did not get her that.” Yes, I did and when Valentine’s Day came, I brought it out for her. Her reaction was exactly what I predicted. She cradled it like a mother holding a child and got teary-eyed. She would have loved the jewelry, don’t get me wrong, but the teapot swept her off her feet. I know, it’s weird, but that’s why I love her. I know my wife well and what will make her happy. It makes me feel special that I know things that touch her heart that others don’t. It took some work to get there, but it has been well worth it. Here are some thoughts on how to make your wife happy.

Know What is Important to Her

This is what I just talked about. How well do you know your wife? You have to pay attention to the little things she says. Your wife will give little hints about her desires. Look for those revelations and then store them in your mental library. [Tweet This] If your mental library doesn’t hold a lot of information then write it down. Being observant takes training, concentration, and energy. In the movie Spy Game, Robert Redford plays a CIA operative training a younger agent played by Brad Pitt. When teaching him on the importance of observation, he says, “Every building, every room; a snapshot. I’m sitting here talking to you. I’m also checking the room, memorizing the people, what they’re wearing. Then I ask the question, ‘What’s wrong with this picture? Anything suspect?’ You need to see it, assess it, and dismiss most of it without looking or thinking. It’s like breathing.” Well, it’s like breathing after you spend a lot of time practicing. My wife muttered to herself that she missed her old teapot. I was out of the room and only slightly overheard. Five years ago, I would have missed it, but this time, I was looking for it.

Pinpoint Her Love Language(s)

It’s important to know how she receives love. Gary Chapman lays out in his book The Five Love Languages that people receive love through words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Do you know which one or two are your wife’s love language(s)? The biggest mistake people make is loving a spouse in the same way they like to receive love, only to end up frustrated when it misses the mark. Identify her love language and speak it often.

Founder of IMOM, Susan Merrill makes sure her husband feels loved by her intentional flirting.  Take a note from Susan’s playbook, make sure your wife feels special through your words and actions.

Win Early

Know when the trouble spots are coming. For example, my wife is a flight attendant and I have come to learn that the day before a trip is an overwhelming and emotional day for her. So I gear myself up days in advance to heighten my sensitivity, hone in on the things she is feeling, and clear my schedule to help her prepare as much as possible. Make mental notes of the things that cause her the most stress. Our tendency is to try and eliminate the things that cause her anxiety. That’s fine, but sometimes it’s just a matter of empathizing and giving her the encouragement she needs to face it.

Sound Off

How do you make your wife happy?

BJ Foster

BJ Foster is the Director of Content Creation for All Pro Dad and a married father of two.

  • Just for Today

    I think I understand the point of the article but I must disagree with the premise. A wise man once told me that is was not a husband job to make his happy. That was her responsibility and a husband cannot make a wife happy if she chooses not to be. Or if there are issues in her life that she needs to address, fix, or resolve. What a husband can do is be the best man, husband, Christian, person that he can be, constantly looking for ways to improve himself and how he acts in his various roles. And be loving, kind, considerate, supportive, all the superlatives that define a good, no great, husband. And pray that what he is offering and providing is what the wife wants and needs. But again, it is up to her to decide, and discover, what will make her happy. IMHO.

  • CJ

    I agree with “Just for Today”. When I saw this headline, red flags went up. I spent the first 20 years of my marriage thinking I could make my wife happy and she will even admit she looked at me during those initial decades thinking that I should be the source of her happiness. It wasn’t until the trials of life and the disappointments of unfulfilled expectations — leading to loss of respect and trust and, for my wife, her loss of love for me — that both of us realized in our separate journeys that only God was the source of our happiness and what spilled over from that relationship would provide the happiness for our marriage.

    A wise brother in Christ recently told me t his quote that has really stuck with me. “Expectations are resentments under construction.” While we should expect certain things from our wife — like being faithful (we pray that she will and, in my case, am recovering from a recently-exposed 2-year emotional affair with a man in our church that has left me in more pain than I ever thought I could experience in a lifetime) — if we expect our wife to make us happy, we are just building resentment in our soul for when they fail us and disappoint us.

    • John Coloe

      Firstly CJ, sorry to hear about your wife’s emotional affair, and the toll it’s exacting on you. The good news is that the secret was thrust into the light where it loses all power. What’s important now is moving forward. Affairs, emotional or otherwise are a thermometer, not a thermostat. They are a symptom of underlying problems that both people must own, resolve, repent and forgive. Only then can the blessings of healing and a restored relationship be received.

      Hopefully this won’t seem trite, but thoughts and prayers are with you. Every trial is an opportunity, and “The DNA of Relationships for Couples” is a great book that will help greatly in your current situation. Working to restore your marriage will result in greater joy and a stronger bond with your bride than probably would’ve happened if not for her emotional affair.

      I love the saying that your friend shared; that “expectations are resentments under construction”. I’ve always been fond of saying that expectations only set others up for failure while setting us up for disappointment.

  • JC Cincy

    My dad gave me a short piece of advice on my wedding day – kinda sorta tongue-in-cheek: “Son, keep your wallet open and your mouth shut and you’ll do just fine” – worked for him for 48 years…

    • Paul_Sp

      Not a relationship I’d want to be in though.

  • JC Cincy

    On a more serious level – I dated a girl for a long period of time who was never satisfied with who she was, where her life was going – in short: was not happy with who she was. She started pressing for marriage, I think she thought it would make her happy to be Mrs. JC Cincy. We broke up, I could have made her “HAPPY” but I could not bring her “JOY” – Joy is an internal choice, and no tea pot or diamond tennis bracelet or diamond studded tea pot could bring her JOY if she didn’t have it, the HAPPY is fleeting and based on circumstance – the JOY (or lack thereof in her case) is your view of and approach to life. She had no JOY, without which, there can be no long-term HAPPY.

  • John Coloe

    As was the case with others who’ve commented, after reading the headline I just had to read the article. Could it be that the whole thing was by design?

    Either way, Mr. Foster outlines some great advice. It’s in all of our DNA to want to know and to be known. BJ obviously knows his wife. He was certain of three things: 1) He wanted to honor her on Valentine’s Day; 2) She’d love the teapot; and 3) She wouldn’t be offended to receive a gift for Valentine’s Day that many would perceive as a household appliance. BJ demonstrated his love for his wife by giving her a deeply personal gift. One by which she knows that she’s known. What better gift could a man give his wife on Valentine’s Day?

    With that out of the way, I agree with other readers’ comments that it’s no one’s responsibility to “make” another person happy. Happiness comes from within. What we can do is, as Just for Today puts it, be the best man, husband, etc. that we’re able. Surrendering our expectations of others. Being others-centered. Putting the wants and needs of others ahead of our own. These are but some of the ways to demonstrate a love that truly lasts.

    Thanks BJ for sharing your wisdom.

Subscribe to the Play of the Day for daily advice, videos and updates on how to be better dad.

Huddle up with your wife and ask, “What do you need most from me when you are stressed?”

foster and adoption
Did You Get It?
Every Man's Bible
Florida Prepaid