types of men

The 5 Types of Men: Which One are You?

I recently had an opportunity to speak at the Iron Sharpens Iron Men’s Conference in Chattanooga, Tennessee, and my topic was on “Man’s Greatest Challenge.” I told a group of about 500 men that man’s greatest challenge is deciding every day the type of man he’s going to be. [Tweet This]

Without exception, I believe every man has five options. I know, because unfortunately, I’ve been all five types. And each type of man has an impact on the type of husband, father, and leader he will be.  So what are those five types of men, and which one are you?

1. The Whiner:

This is the man who gets up most mornings and chooses to be paralyzed by his past. He finds it difficult to move forward in life because he’s constantly looking backward. He chooses to blame his present struggles on his past problems. The result is that he becomes what I call a “Why Baby.”  He asks questions like:

  • Why did that happen to me?
  • Why didn’t that happen for me?
  • Why him (or them) and why not me?

2. The Worrier:

This is the man who is not paralyzed by his past, but he’s fearful of the future because he’s constantly looking ahead. He’s afraid to move forward. But unlike the Whiner, the Worrier doesn’t ask “Why?” because he’s too busy asking himself, “What if?”

  • What if this happens?
  • What if that happens?
  • What if this doesn’t happen?

3. The Waiter:

This is the man who is indecisive in the present. He isn’t satisfied where he is, and he wants things to change but he’s not willing to make any changes. He’s waiting for a miracle or act of God to change his circumstances or situation. He expects to be rescued and reap the rewards with little or no effort on his part.

For instance, he wants his marriage to improve, but he’s not willing to go to counseling. He wants to stop watching pornography, but he won’t join a support group. He wants a better relationship with his children, but he won’t spend more time with them.

4. The Wounded:

This is the man who lives in isolation, solitude, and suffers in silence.  He’s still hurting from his past, he feels helpless in the moment, and he feels hopeless about his future. He’s stuck in shame and guilt, and it’s difficult for him to talk about it because he finds it very difficult to trust anyone. He’s either too angry, too afraid, or too ashamed to move forward so he doubts himself, others, and even God.

5. The Warrior:

This is the man who doesn’t whine about his past, he doesn’t worry about the future, he’s not waiting to be rescued from his present situation, and he’s not afraid of being wounded again because he’s more concerned about leaving a legacy. He’s willing to fight for his marriage, his family, his children, and his brothers.

He’s concerned more about his character than his circumstances, his destiny than the detours in his life, and his legacy more than his losses. He’s a fighter and he’d rather die with a spear in his chest than one in his back. His motto is no retreat, no surrender.

Sound Off

Which man are you?

Dr. Joe Martin

Dr. Joe Martin is a certified Man Builder, creator and founder of RealMenConnect.com, and an award-winning educator. He’s also a husband and father of a blended family of two.

  • Kevin

    Thanks for the great message today, Dr. Martin. I’ve been in a season of life for longer than I’d like to admit where I’ve been living as the first four types. While I’ve always wanted to live as ‘The Warrior’, I’ve always made excuses why I haven’t, but am starting to realize that the only way I can make that change is through me (and God). Thanks for the instruction and encouragement.

    • Joe Martin

      Thank you Warrior Kevin. Fight on Bro. I’m praying for you.

  • All good warriors who are successful bring with them a team of people who are good at what the warrior is not. In that team you need a few more warriors as well as whiners, worriers, wounded, and waiters. They will see things that the warriors will miss. I like to think of myself as a warrior, but I want helpers and advisors who are totally different than I am. They keep my feet on the ground.

    • Joe Martin

      I agree with you Warrior Ralph, but I think you’re missing the big picture here (probably due to the word count limitations of APD). It’s not that we don’t need ALL types of men in our lives (I was every type of man that I described, and I unfortunately still revert back to them from time to time), but the question is: What type of man does God want us to be and what type of man do we need to sharpen us?

      A close friend of mine just lost his wife of 25 years last week (to cancer). Let me ask you, what kind of man do you think he wants and needs in his life right now? A Whiner (“At least you got 25 years with yours; I only got 3 years with mine before she died”); a Worrier (“Man, I don’t see how you’re going to make it with out her. I know I couldn’t handle it.”); a Wounded man (“See, that’s why you can’t trust God, because that doesn’t make any sense – your wife was only 47 years old.”); a Waiter (“Man, don’t you worry, you’ll get over it, and God will give you another wife one day.”); or a Warrior (“I’m here for you Bro; you’re not in this alone; I have your back and I’m standing with you; and I’m praying for you; let me know if you need ANYTHING.”)?

      I don’t know about you Warrior Ralph, but I’ll take ONE Warrior Brother (like a Joshua, David, Paul, or Timothy) over 1,000 whiners, worriers, waiters, and wounded men any day. And if you’re watching the NBA playoffs, just ask LeBron James, Isaiah Thomas, Kevin Durant, James Harden, and Russel Westbrook, what type of men would they want on THEIR team. The truth is, we’re ALL whiners, worriers, wounded, and waiters, but God called us to be Warriors. Hoo Rahh!!!

      • Thank you Dr. Joe,

        That is a good reply. Your point is well taken. Because my life is so involved in business, I gave you a business reply. Personally, I am a hard charging type person, I don’t usually let problems or what the world’s expert naval architects call “impossible” stop me.

        I have already set four world records in boating and I currently have my eyes on a very big word record and the multi billion dollar business that should come from it. Investors almost always have their team review it. Most teams have accountants, managers, lawyers, etc they are usually ney sayers that I too would like to give them a boot. Your reply was good.

        • Joe Martin

          You’re welcome Warrior Ralph. As a writer (and speaker), it’s sometimes difficult to communicate your full intent in a span of 500 words (or less). Can you imagine you having to do that in an important business meeting of investors? I spoke today at a men’s donor breakfast, and I had to inspire men to donate a considerable amount of money to an organization in 15 mins or less. All I can say is that I’m getting much better at saying more in a lot less time. Lol. Maybe that’s how God intended. =) Thanks for the reply Brother. Stay in His grip!

          • I am sure you did a fantastic job. Do you speak on behalf of fundraisers often? Was this a Fundraiser that you are part of? As I am seeking capital I want to learn as much as possible.

          • Joe Martin

            Hey Warrior Brown,
            No, I don’t normally speak on behalf fundraisers. I usually speak to men’s groups, educators, and students.

          • If I wanted to contact you directly how would I do it? Or you could email me directly at http://www.TheAmericanDream.US please note the dot “US” rather than dot “com”.

  • zaPO

    I’m a nice blend of 1 through 4. Certainly not the best characteristics to have, but would dare say that some are actually eye opening wake up calls.

  • Michael Landstrom

    I am each one of those at different times, but I know that God is working me to #5 all the time. As long as I draw air into my lungs I’ll be 1-5 at different times in my life. Not afraid to admit that and I know it is not okay to stay in 1-4. God’s grace and Spirit handles 1-4 for us while he moves us to #5! Amen to that!

    • Joe Martin

      Amen Warrior Michael!!! We’re in the same boat. I get 1-4 flashbacks every now and then, but by the grace of God, I don’t stay there. =) . Glad you enjoyed the article. Stay in His grip! No retreat, no surrender!

  • otto family

    I’ve never had an example of #5 in my life. Maybe I’ve never searched for it or felt need to move on from a 1 to 4 lifestyle. I now see it clearly through this little post. Time to move on and move up. Thx Joe!

    • Joe Martin

      I understand Bro, neither did I. My parents were teenagers (Mom – 16 and Dad – 18). And left when I was two years, and my mother became an abusive alcoholic as a result of that. It wasn’t until a “real man” stepped into my life when I was 33 years old, that I learned how to be a Warrior – for my marriage, my family, my brothers, and other men. That’s why I started an organization called http://www.RealMenConnect.com – to make sure NO man gets left behind and never has to go without a Warrior in his life to help him along his journey. I’m glad you enjoyed the article. Please keep in touch.

      • otto family

        Yep, I have similar history. This really motivates me to become a Warrior for my wife and children. Thx again.

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