Love is often packaged and presented as fundamentally emotional, temporary, conditional and disposable. Consequently, many people include these values in the ways that they learn about and fall into love. So it’s not surprising that we become confused when the marriage relationship fails to keep us “giddy,” “infatuated,” “hot” for one another, and/or “floating on Cloud 9.” Love requires commitment.
But do not despair, All Pro Dads. There are some basic principles that can help when we’re serious about honoring the decision—and it is a decision—to “Love Your Wife for Life.” Marriage is all about how we communicate and this is some of the stuff we need to get across.
Understand that love is, primarily, a commitment:
A marriage is decision rooted in a covenant. This means that the future of a marriage is not dependent on feelings, but on our commitment to values.
Understand that love is always a choice:
Because of our commitment, we can choose to love. Indeed we must! This is actually a lot easier than waking up in the morning wondering if we’re still “in love.” Love is a choice.
When you wake up in the morning, imagine specific things that you can do to serve your wife (then actually do them):
Having chosen, it’s our privilege to act. Loving actions reinforce the choice to love. Do this routinely, and—believe us—the feelings will be there in spades.
Tell your wife, every day, that you love her:
Things become more true when you speak them; love is no exception. Not only will your wife respond genuinely, in love, but you will also live into the words you express.
Tell your wife, every day, that she is beautiful:
If you believe it, she will believe it. When she believes it...that’s a good thing! Not only is that a good thing, but it will actually become increasingly true.
Remember that you are the only one you can change:
There is a lot of compromise in long-term love, but the only compromise we should ever push is our own. Another way to say this is, “Lead by example” or, “Be the change you want to see.”
Establish a habit of faithfulness:
This point is not just about the physical relationship. Be faithful in the way you use your time, in your allocation of resources, and in the way that you talk. Faithfulness, or fidelity, has many facets and they all focus the light on the soul of your relationship.
Choose, each day, to love your wife out loud:
Just a few examples: flowers, chocolates, regular dates, words of affirmation, words of endearment, love notes, cards, attention, weekend getaways, respect, concern, gestures of kindness…
Always build your wife up:
At least two things happen when a man affirms and encourages his wife. First, she is lifted up. Second, he feels more positively about the relationship.
Put your wife first in everything:
Here’s what happens when a man puts himself first:
-Love is sucked out of the relationship
-Tension is created to always make him “happy”
-He becomes impossible to satisfy
-Resentment replaces service
-Much more negative stuff we don’t have time to list….
Here’s what happens when a man puts his wife first:
-The relationship is love-centered
-She automatically seeks to please him
-Respect and encouragement dominate the relational landscape
-The home is pretty-much tension free
-Stuff way too good to publish in this list....!
Related Resource: 10 Ways to Love Your Wife Like Crazy
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