10 Things Your Kids Should Look for in a Friend

Friendship is a foundational building block in the development of character. Simply put, human beings are designed to “do life” in community. That’s why it’s so important that our kids have the right kinds of friends.  Here are ten things to look for when it comes to our children’s friends:

1. Common values: 
   Peer pressure is a huge factor with children.  It’s important that your kids keep the company of friends who affirm the values your family promotes. Ask your child; it’s something they’re sure to know.

2. Character:
   Do your kids’ friends have the strength of character to stand out from the crowd when the crowd is wrong? Does their behavior hold up away from your house - or do their colors change when you’re out of range?

3. Courage:
   This is an extension of #2; we’re talking about the courage to do what is right. This isn’t about being reckless; however, doing what’s right often takes guts, and it’s critical that we have friends who are willing to stand alongside.

4. Kindness:
   Bullying doesn’t just happen in the locker room.  Bullying takes place among so-called friends at an alarming rate. Kindness is critical in healthy friendships. Bullying grows in a permissive environment – it turns out that kindness does too.

5. Reliability:
   Can you child count on their friend? If they say they’re coming over, do they show up? If they make plans together and something else “better” comes along, then what do they do? Do they keep their word, or do they disappoint?

6. Parity:
   Healthy friendships involve give and take. If one child is always making the decisions and pushing the agenda, then it’s not friendship - it’s top dog and sidekick.  Ask your child about who makes the plans.

7. Loyalty:
   Remember the story of the great Hebrew king David and his friend, Jonathan?  They are a great example. They stuck up for each other even when it was difficult. Friends are people we can count on. They may not be able to fix everything, but they are always there for us.

8. Honesty:
   Does your child’s friend tell the truth? Your child needs to be confident their friend does not lie. Honesty and trust go hand in hand.

9. Generosity:
   This is something that must go both ways. That means looking out for your friend’s happiness ahead of your own. Does your child’s friend share? Do they buy presents out of their own money or do the parents always cover? Do they eat the last cookie or offer it to their friend? Generosity at its best is a mutual experience.

10. Humility:
    Does your child’s friend fess up when they’re wrong? Do they ask forgiveness when they’ve fallen short? Are they willing to make themselves vulnerable when they need help? Real friends are not afraid to ask for help.

    For dads, the “twist” here is self-evaluative. Are these qualities I posses as a father? Are these principles that I practice in my own relationships? Does my child see these bullet-points modeled in dad? Would you like someone like you to be best friends with your child?

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