Once you get married, the relationship with your spouse becomes more important than any other relationship. But does it really look like that for you now? When you have kids, things seem to change. It makes me wonder…do my kids get in the way of my marriage? Children are a blessing and a benefit of marriage, however it is much easier to have a kid-centered household than it is to have a marriage-centered household. The first requires little intention as it naturally happens. But the second, a marriage-centered household, requires you to be very intentional.
One thing you may not have considered is how having a kid-centered household not only hurts your marriage, but also hurts your kids. Here are 10 variables a successful marriage formula has to have.
Trust is hard to earn and easy to lose. It must be held as sacred. None among us are perfect and we will make our mistakes, but in a successful marriage, trust must not be broken. It is an enormous leap of faith to align personal destiny equally with another, and without trust in that person you will never make it. You have their back and they have yours; never allow anything to come between. And neither spouse ever lies to each other, no matter how uncomfortable the conversation. Lies are the WMDs to trust.
2. Open Communication
One of the deadliest poisons to a marriage is when the couple has stopped talking. When a couple has a lack of communication, it leads to suspicion and suspicion leads to stress and worse. Married partners should be able to share everything with each other, and through that help each other navigate life successfully.
3. Sense of Humor and a Short Memory
Anyone that has been married for a lengthy period of time can tell you that a sense of humor is certainly required to get through the difficulties of marriage. You had better be able to laugh together, and especially at yourself. When it comes to trouble, keep a short memory; lose the grudges and smile.
4. Conflict and Tension
Most healthy marriages require periods of conflict and tension in order to balance the relationship. Like steam escaping from a pot so the pot does not explode. Conflict and tension also serve a role in the sexual relationship (“make-up sex”) of a marriage. Love only grows stronger when it has endured a storm.
5. Teammates and Partners
Going hand in hand with communication is the spirit of teamwork and partnership. A couple should balance the best traits of each person to form the best possible team to take on the challenges of marriage, parenthood and life in general. Great teams play to each member’s strengths. The same applies in marriage.Great teams play to each member’s strengths. The same applies in marriage. Click To Tweet
6. Positive Compatibility
Simply put, sex can’t sustain a relationship long-term. In order to establish an environment where a marriage can reach full potential, it is essential we choose partners with whom we share many compatible traits and values. We have to actually like being with that person. We’re good friends with them. We need to share the same hopes and dreams. Compatibility goes far beyond the bedroom.
7. Passion and Commitment
Passion is a burning desire to be successful at a stated goal. The commitment to do whatever it takes to reach the finish line. It takes great sacrifice by both partners to reach the level of commitment necessary to make a marriage last. We are tested and tempted constantly by other options, and that will not change. Deep passion and unwavering commitment for, and to, the marriage is how you reach a golden anniversary.
8. Emotional Security
The requirement we have to keep a place where we feel safe and secure from the outside world. A marriage that is working well is just that. The “us against the world” mentality where we feel needed and wanted. When you listen to athletes talk after they win championships, someone will always say “we closed ranks and it was us against the world.” A successful marriage works the same way.
When two people are in love, they have a mutual respect and desire for each other that overrides any shortcomings and traits in the other person. There is a respect for that person. This should last not only when things are going great, but when the hard times come as well. When tragedy strikes or when people change. When respect leaves a marriage, the people involved will usually follow close behind.
When a husband and wife are tapped into God’s grace, love and mercy, they are eager to have that overflow onto each other. Pray for strength, guidance, and wisdom to love each other well.
Huddle Up Question
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What do you think makes a good friendship?”