A happy and healthy marriage starts with mutual trust between husband and wife. Both partners need the security of knowing they can believe in the other 100 percent. When that belief is broken, it’s very hard to earn back. Here are some tips to help you keep your marital foundation solid as a rock.
1. No Secrets
Secrets create suspicion. Suspicion leads to mistrust. Your marriage should be a sanctuary, a place where you feel safe to divulge anything. This is not to say you have to list every single mistake you’ve ever made in life. It means that your thoughts and feelings should be an open book to her and never sealed off.
2. No Cheating
This should be a no-brainer, but statistics say otherwise. 25% of men have had extramarital affairs. Marriages have a very hard time recovering from cheating. In cases of adultery, the marriage will end 65% of the time. Infidelity is a factor, but the biggest culprit is that the trust in the relationship has been shattered. Gentlemen, it simply isn’t worth it.
3. No Lying
Many of us have been guilty of this one. We exaggerate and we twist things in an effort to create more suitable results for ourselves. There is no room for lying when it comes to your marriage. You tell her you are working late at the office, but you are really at a sports bar. That is a lie. It might seem harmless to you, but a lie nonetheless. Those “little” lies chip away at the foundation of trust. If you want to go to watch the game at the sports bar, simply tell her you want to go. Let an issue stand on its own without hiding it.
4. No Condescension
“I would tell my wife about it, but she would never understand.” That is condescending and belittling. Give her credit for intelligence and capability. By sharing everything, it helps her feel important to you. It builds stock in trust.
5. No Sudden Changes
For 10 years you’ve weighed 195 lbs, wore the same style of clothes and ate the same foods. Suddenly, you drop 25 lbs, start dressing like a man 20 years younger, and become a vegetarian. This is certainly going to raise a whole lot of red flags. Suspicion will be at a high level. If you are going to make major lifestyle alterations, be sure to include her from the start. Make your reasons clear and concise.
6. No Suffering In Silence
Your career is not going as you would have hoped. Your life is not exactly what you thought it would be. You feel you need a change…that your life needs to head in a new direction. These are very normal emotions in men. If you keep them to yourself, these thoughts may manifest in other ways. Moodiness and a short temper would be two likely outcomes. Share your feelings with your wife. She’s your partner in life. Trust her to understand.
7. No Mixed Messages
You tell your wife she is beautiful, but your facial expression says otherwise. That is a mixed message. Which is she to believe? How can she trust what you tell her when she is always getting mixed signals? Say what you mean and mean what you say.
8. No Backstabbing
Loyalty is highly valued. Your marriage is a partnership—a team. Problems should be worked on and solved in private. Never air issues with your wife in public. She will feel betrayed and stabbed in the back by her trusted mate. Always give her the respect of airing your issues directly to her, privately. You would want the same.
9. No Abuse
This seems like another no-brainer, yet every day we hear news of men abusing women both physically and mentally. Obviously, trust cannot survive in a situation where a woman lives in fear of you. If you are abusing your wife, you should cease immediately and seek counseling. Typically men who abuse women feel no control over their own lives. This is not her fault and nothing you do to her will make those feelings go away. It is ok to ask for help. Please do so right away.
10. Yes To God
Faith in God provides hope and ability to live for a greater purpose. If your marriage is continually grounded in faith, the trust between you and your wife will be much more stable. Understand God is in control, and your marriage will thrive and blossom.
Huddle Up Question
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you trust me? Why?