The famous leaning Tower of Pisa is eight stories tall. The builders noticed it leaning after they had completed the third story. As the construction continued the architect tried to compensate to keep the structure from falling over. So the Tower is slightly curved. However, the weight from the extra floors caused the Tower to move closer and closer to toppling over each year. If the foundation hadn’t been secured in the late twentieth century it would have eventually fallen over. The architectural failure of the Tower of Pisa is proof that when a foundation is not secure the changes you make up top doesn’t really matter in the end. Well, one of the biggest (perhaps even THE biggest), components of a marriage’s foundation is trust.
A happy and healthy marriage starts with trust between husband and wife.A happy and healthy marriage starts with trust between husband and wife. Both partners need the security of knowing they can believe in the other one hundred percent. When that belief is broken, it’s very hard to earn back. Here are some tips to help you keep your marriage trust solid as a rock.
1. No Secrets
Secrets create suspicion. Suspicion leads to mistrust. Your marriage should be a sanctuary, a place where you feel safe to divulge anything. This is not to say you have to list every single mistake you’ve ever made in life. It means that your thoughts and feelings should be an open book to her and never sealed off.
2. No Cheating
This should be a no-brainer, but statistics say otherwise. 25% of men have had extramarital affairs. Marriages have a very hard time recovering from cheating. In cases of adultery, the marriage will end 65% of the time. Infidelity is a factor, but the biggest culprit is that the trust in the relationship has been shattered. Gentlemen, it simply isn’t worth it.
3. No Lying
Many of us have been guilty of this one. We exaggerate and we twist things in an effort to create better results for ourselves. There is no room for lying when it comes to your marriage. Whether big or small, it might seem harmless to you, but a lie nonetheless. “Little” lies chip away at the foundation of trust. Be honest with her about everything.
4. No Condescension
“I would tell my wife about it, but she would never understand.” That is condescending and belittling. Give her credit for her intelligence and capability. By sharing everything, it helps her feel important to you.
5. No Sudden Changes
For 10 years you’ve weighed 195 lbs, wore the same style of clothes and ate the same foods. Suddenly, you drop 25 lbs, start dressing like a man 20 years younger and become a vegetarian. This is certainly going to raise a whole lot of red flags and suspicion. If you are going to make major lifestyle alterations, be sure to include her from the start. Make your reasons clear and concise.
6. No Suffering In Silence
Your life is not exactly what you thought it would be. You feel you need a change, that your life needs to head in a new direction. These are very normal emotions in men. If you keep them to yourself, these thoughts may manifest in other ways. Moodiness and a short temper would be two likely outcomes. Share your feelings with your wife. It will bring you closer.
7. No Mixed Messages
You tell your wife she is beautiful, but your facial expression says otherwise. That is a mixed message. Which is she to believe? How can she trust what you tell her if you are giving mixed signals? Say what you mean and mean what you say.
8. No Backstabbing
Never air issues with your wife in public. She will feel betrayed and stabbed in the back by her trusted mate. Always give her the respect of airing your issues directly to her, privately. You would want the same.
9. No Abuse
Obviously, trust cannot survive in a situation where a woman lives in fear of you. If you are abusing your wife, you should cease immediately and seek counseling. Typically men who abuse women feel no control over their own lives. This is not her fault and nothing you do to her will make those feelings go away. It is ok to ask for help. Do it right away.
10. Pursue Your Faith Together
I believe our faith in God provides hope and the ability to live for a greater purpose. My marriage has been continually grounded in faith, and because of it, the trust between me and my wife has been much more stable. The times when our marriage has been the most unstable is when we have pursued other things. If you are a person of faith, pursue it together. If not, I would offer inviting God into your marriage.
Sound off: What do you think builds the most trust in a marriage?
Huddle Up Question
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you trust me? Why?”