1. Learn her love language, and then use it every day.
Read The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman and figure out what you can do to become fluent in your wife’s love language. Then use what you have learned every day.
2. Date your wife.
If you asked her out again today, would she still be excited to say yes? You must have been pretty good at this at one time or she wouldn’t have married you! So why stop now? One date a month at a minimum. Use your imagination, get creative, and make it special.
3. Make her feel special (don’t take the relationship for granted).
“She already knows she’s important to me,” is not a useful response. If you haven’t done something to demonstrate how special she is in the past four hours, then you’ve already waited too long. This is not a high budget item; it’s high consideration item. How about an I love you phone call, a simple card slipped in her purse, a midweek lunch date, or flowers delivered to her office. Do you still open the car door? Serve her hot tea, wash her car, deliver an unexpected embrace, a foot rub, or candles with dinner? You get the idea.
4. Use some imagination.
Plan events, dates, evenings at home, vacations – even stolen moments – with the kind of creative thinking that motivated you when you first asked her out. There’s a psychological concept known as the “self-fulfilling prophecy.” Simply put: Believe she’s worth the trouble and she will be; stop trying hard and so will she; and bring some creative intention to your romance as if she still knocks your socks off – and she will.
5. Take care of yourself.
Check the scales, think about how you dress around your wife, throw away the cigarettes, start some regular exercise, don’t be a slob. When she sees you, does she take a second look – or does she look away? Does the way you present yourself tell your wife you want her to be attracted to you or do you take all that for granted?
6. Say I love you and say it often.
The #1 misnomer believed by unromantic men is this: I shouldn’t have to say it, she should know.
7. Be kind.
Kindness could well be the “X Factor” in romance. Being kind is underplayed, undervalued, underrated, and certainly underutilized. Want romance? Be Mr. Kindness. Learn to make thoughtfulness and consideration your second nature. Nice guys really do finish first and she’ll fall for you all over again.
8. Be a gentleman.
Gentlemen are courteous, respectful, well-mannered, faithful, generous, modest, and charming. Stand up when she leaves the table, open the car door, walk on the street side of the walkway, help her on with her jacket, run to the car for her umbrella… you get the picture.
9. Tell her she’s beautiful.
Women who hear their husband tell them they’re beautiful become more beautiful. Men who tell their wives they’re beautiful believe it with more conviction every time the words leave their lips. Love expressed = beauty; beauty = romance. It’s win-win. It doesn’t hurt to back up your words with a thoughtful text either.
10. Spend uninterrupted time together.
There are only 168 hours in each week – the number never varies. The amount of time we offer our relationships can appear like a vote as to how much we value the people we say we love. Romance like anything else worthwhile is worth the investment of time and attention. (Make sure you know the different definitions of romance that you and your wife have.)
Huddle Up Question
Name three things you think of when I say the word: romance.