Years ago, a young man at church came up to me to share that he had been watching porn and wanted help to stop. I immediately pulled his father into the conversation. We talked through the plan for helping his son stop watching porn and the father helped his son find freedom. A few weeks after, I followed up with the dad to see how things were going, and he shared some profound truths with me about porn addiction in children.
As he shared, he also said he felt guilty because he saw the signs of his son’s porn use but failed to act upon them. While these signs are not always connected to porn use, if you see them in your kids, you should address them. Porn addiction in children (and even just porn use) has ripple effects on lots of areas of their lives. It impacts social, emotional, and cognitive development. Here are 3 signs your kid might be watching porn.
1. Increased Isolation
Watching porn typically is connected to shame and guilt. These emotions are linked directly to isolation. Do your kids suddenly seem isolated and want more space than they used to? There may be other reasons for isolation, but it is always good to investigate when you see it. According to Ted Shimer, a leading voice for porn addiction recovery, “(of) students who watched porn last year, 43% said they isolated from their relationships because of their porn use.”
2. Increased Secrecy
Most kids watch porn in privacy. Because porn is a secret, they begin to deceive themselves and those they love. Does he get nervous when you have his phone in your hand? Does she only crack the door when you want to come into her room? As the parent, you know when your child is trying to hide something. If your kid is hiding something, it may be a sign that he or she is watching porn. Regardless, this behavior is worth a conversation with your child.
3. Increased Casual Use of Sexual Language
A friend of mine recently told me his daughter has been openly telling him stories of her high school friends’ current sexual escapades. He was taken aback by her language and by what her friends are doing. He didn’t know his daughter knew those words. While my friend may seem naive, through these conversations and questions, he found out his daughter was struggling with watching porn. For him, his daughter’s casual use of sexual language was the indicator.
Sound off: What other signs should we be looking for?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “Why is it important to tell people you trust about your problems?”