Men by nature want to lead our families and be respected. Sometimes we can go overboard and do things in spite of what our family says, because we are in charge and know what’s best. In other words, we act like a controlling father. It’s the “my way or the highway” mentality, which is a control issue.
However, there is a way to be in charge without being in total control. We should strive for this and avoid becoming a controlling father. Here are 3 ways to lead your family without being a control freak.
1. Give your kids a voice.
Our kids are growing up in a generation where social media is extremely prevalent. This allows anyone to express their opinions and beliefs over the internet to a potentially large audience with a click of a button. Many do this because they want people to know what they think and their voice to be heard.
Your family deserves to have a voice in decisions that impact them. Listen to what your children have to say, and include them in a decision-making process. It’s important for them to give their input. If you are the one who makes the final decision and it doesn’t go the way your kids wanted, there is a better chance they will have more buy-in because their voice was heard, and their ideas were considered valuable.
2. Allow your kids to make mistakes.
None of us likes to make mistakes, and it usually makes it worse when people point them out to us when we already know we messed up. While you need to hold your children accountable for what they do, you also need to provide an environment where they are comfortable making mistakes without worrying about getting yelled at every time.
Mistakes can be looked upon as failures or opportunities to get better. It just depends on your perspective. Do a great job of being positive when your child messes up so he or she will develop a pattern of coming to you when something bad happens. Remember, you can’t make an omelet without cracking a few eggs.
3. Model what you want your kids to become.
One thing I know for certain from my 17 years as a dad is that my boys are always watching and listening to what I do and say. The old saying “monkey see, monkey do” is sometimes right on par with what has happened in our house. The boys copied what I did or said because if Dad’s doing it, it must be OK. The problem is that they may not understand the consequences of their actions or words.
Make sure your actions match up with your words. Matthew 5:37 says, “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’…” I believe what Jesus is saying here is that we should follow up what we say with consistent action, because it models reliability and trustworthiness. If you want your kid to have character and integrity, then you need to model it yourself. Hold yourself accountable for the things you say and do and be the kind of person you’d want your kids to grow up to be. If you’re a control freak, they might become one, too.
Sound off: What are some additional ways you can lead your family without being a controlling father?
