Gone is the anxiety of having our looks just right, practicing what we were going to say, and the nervousness of our first date. Time has passed and the union has grown. We’ve entered into the comfortable relationship. It starts with two people putting their best foot forward and winds up as something akin to a pile of laundry that needs some serious attention. There is a certain beauty that comes with the comfort we all seek. However, along with this natural progression comes a whole host of issues that must be sorted out if the relationship is to prosper.
Communication can degrade into a series of grunts, romance reduced to “hurry up and get it over with,” and most eyes starting to drift away. That’s dangerous, and it can turn a relationship into a bitter brew of unhappiness. Relationships, like anything worth having, require lots of maintenance. We need to reinvigorate them so they run as smooth as silk. Let’s take a look at where relationships tend to get too comfortable and offer solutions on how to resolve that.
1. No Longer Sleeping Together
Once the bloom is off the rose and a marriage settles in for the long haul, sleep habits that once seemed cute or endearing can often turn annoying. Snoring, restless legs, talking during sleep, and all kinds of issues pop up. The next thing you know, somebody starts sleeping in another bed. That’s not a big deal on rare occasions, but when it starts to become routine, the connection between husband and wife takes a major hit. Both partners need to be sensitive to this extremely common, but little talked about, issue and take the necessary steps to solve it.
Stunted communication leads to misunderstanding, and that leads to stacks of trouble.2. Communicating Less and Less
Couples that have been married for a good length of time develop an unspoken form of communication. Just a slight change in posture or a cut of the eyes can speak volumes. That’s great when it’s in a positive way. However, more often than not, it’s in a passive-aggressive way and is highly destructive. So is the little game of pretending to hear each other when actually each tuning the other out. Stunted communication leads to misunderstanding, and that leads to stacks of trouble. Speak and listen clearly. Always seek common ground.
3. No Longer Being A Gentleman
We used to open doors for them. If it was raining, we dropped them off before parking. In general, we were gentlemen. What happened to that guy? Get him back—pronto. She probably won’t tell you, but these things matter to women. It’s not the act itself but the action that shows you care about them.
4. Getting Lazy About Hygiene
This applies to both the man and the woman. It is fine to have a slob day. We all need to withdraw from the world sometimes. But it isn’t OK to make it a regular habit. All of the hygiene habits we have to adhere to in society should also apply at home. Figure out where this area has become way too comfortable and rectify it.
5. No Longer Romancing Her
Men, I know you know this, but it’s so hard for us to let it sink in. In married romance, all of the things listed above (and a lot more) follow you to the bedroom before you even make a move. The same goes for wives. For married romance to thrive, the connection between man and woman has to still be vibrant. All of those things done for the sake of comfort may factor into why sex isn’t happening.
Sound off: What are some of the ways you have become too comfortable in your marriage or serious relationship?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “Who outside of our family are you most comfortable with?”