It was an exhausting day, but your kids are finally asleep. You and your wife sit on the couch, put on a TV show, and watch until one of you falls asleep. You do a version of this each day. Sometimes it’s TV, sometimes it’s social media, or sometimes it’s more work. This routine is a habit that leads to rushed sex or maybe none.
According to Charles Duhig, author of The Power of Habit, 80% of what we do daily consists of subconscious habits. Are your habits as a couple helping or hurting your sex life? Here are 5 healthy habits for marriage that’ll lead to better sex.
Breaking a sweat with exercise can lead to breaking a sweat in the bedroom.1. Exercise together.
You don’t have to hit the gym for an hour to break a good sweat and let the endorphins flow. You and your spouse can do a 20-minute yoga routine, a HIIT (high-intensity interval training) workout, or a short pilates class on YouTube. You don’t need much time to commit to this healthy habit, and by doing it together, you are sharing quality time. Exercise also releases dopamine, a pleasure chemical, in your brain. The University of California, Berkeley has even found that sweat releases pheromones and can stimulate sexual attraction. So, breaking a sweat with exercise can lead to breaking a sweat in the bedroom.
2. Shower before bed.
Taking a hot shower before bed loosens muscles and eases stress. Being fresh and clean also creates conditions in which you will be more attractive to your wife. Choose a cologne she loves and dab just a little around your neck after you shower. If possible, start a habit of showering together before bed. Maybe things will steam up before you make it to the bedroom.
3. Pray together.
Prayer is intimate. It can make you and your wife feel more connected, which makes it more likely that your wife will be interested in being close to you physically. Pray for each other, for her desires, worries, and joys. Pray with gratitude for your marriage and the love you share. If your marriage is struggling, pray for wisdom and understanding. It doesn’t have to be long or well-rehearsed; build a habit of praying a short prayer each night with each other.
4. Discipline together.
Get into a habit of disciplining with your spouse. If your wife is the only disciplinarian, then she will end up more tired at the end of the day and less available for sex. But if you share the burden of disciplining the kids, it feels lighter and saves some energy. It also creates a united front. Have each other’s backs, and never go against the other’s rules without discussing it first. This unity builds trust, and trust leads to better sex.
5. Be emotionally vulnerable together.
If it feels like you’re sleeping with a stranger, sex won’t be as good as it could be. So, share your thoughts, feelings, and ideas. Be emotionally available to each other. Create a healthy habit of talking to each other every day without distractions. Put the phones away, turn off your computer, and connect on an emotional level.
Sound off: What are some other healthy habits for marriage?
Huddle up with your wife and ask, “What habits do you want to build together?”