My wife was out of town, my two-year-old was running around the house, and I had a sudden boost of confidence about doing something my wife advised me to wait on—replacing the faucet in our bathroom. I watched a YouTube video and had the materials ready. It was supposed to be a quick installation. Three hours later, drenched from faulty pipes and frustrated with sticky caulk, I ran to the kitchen to get my daughter a snack. Suddenly, my body took flight. I tripped over our treadmill and hit the ground face-first with a baseball slide across the room. I knew my confidence had gotten the best of me when—with a broken toe—I looked back at a crying little girl.
I was displaying overconfidence, not confidence. Confidence would have been telling my wife I’ve never done this before but I think I can do it and I’m going to try. Overconfidence was trying to prove I could do something I’d never done before, plus do a bunch of other stuff at the same time. But women appreciate true confidence in their husbands, not overconfidence. Here are 5 kinds of confidence in marriage your wife will find attractive.
1. Confidence in Your Appearance
For many years, I tried hanging onto the last strands of hair I had left on my head. To my surprise, my confidence got a boost when I finally shaved them off. My wife finds it more attractive and distinguished. My insecurities about going bald faded away. Being confident in your appearance does not mean you have to wax your body or buy a customized cologne to create a distinct scent. It means you like your body, desire to take care of it, and dress according to your age.
2. Confidence in Your Decisions
Making quick decisions without thinking things through is a sign of immaturity. Impulse buying a new car, planning a big surprise for your kids without checking in with your wife first, or consistently changing family plans is the wrong kind of confidence in decision-making. Being confident in your decisions is about taking the time to do the research and communicating with your spouse to get her involved. Spontaneous trips and surprise gifts are still OK from time to time, but they should not create worry or anxiety for your wife.
3. Confidence in Your Feelings
Emotional intelligence is about being able to pinpoint your emotions and choose how to respond to them. A husband who cannot control his emotions or is easily angered or overly sensitive will have trouble communicating with his spouse. To build confidence in marriage, it takes a willingness to practice emotional intelligence. The next time you find yourself in an argument with your wife or child, take long pauses before you speak, asking yourself in each breath of silence, “What am I feeling right now? What is my wife/child feeling? What is the best way to respond?”
4. Confidence in Your Wife’s Ability to Know What She Really Needs
A lot of men are confident that they can solve their wives’ problems, but that’s not as attractive to a woman as a man’s confidence in her. When she vents to you, ask her what she’s looking for. Does she want you to solve a problem or does she want you to listen? If she wants you to listen and you sit with her in discomfort instead of trying to fix the problem, you display confidence in her ability to know what she needs. Support her actual need—she’ll find that attractive.
5. Confidence in Raising Your Kids
My wife told me that many women showed up late when she went to a women’s Bible study. When the leader asked what happened, they said they had to put their kids to bed. Knowing these women were married, my wife then asked why their husbands couldn’t do that. The group laughed it off as if that weren’t an option. My wife told me how much she valued my ability to take care of our kids. Find confidence in raising your children by helping your wife put proper routines in place.
Sound off: What are some other kinds of confidence in marriage that wives find attractive?
Huddle Up Question
Huddle up with your wife and ask, “What kinds of confidence do you find attractive?”