Partway through the afternoon’s soccer practice, Sam slipped on the turf and watched helplessly as his mistake turned into a goal against. As he got to his feet, he felt the shame of his failure as other players heckled him. It was at this moment that his coach, Ted Lasso, called him to the sidelines: “You know what the happiest animal earth is? It’s a goldfish. You know why? Got a 10-second memory. Be a goldfish, Sam.”
The lesson Coach Lasso is trying to pass on to his players is important. They need to move on from mistakes rather than dwell on them. And this is a lesson dads can apply to parenting. There are moments we need to have a 10-second memory of something our kids have done. Here are 5 moments a dad needs to forgive and forget.
1. Your kid lies to you.
Kids lie because they fear what will happen or what someone else will think of them if the truth came out. If you catch your son lying to you, you want him to know this is something serious he should stop doing. But you also want him to know that his telling you the truth—even if it’s about something hard—is never going to stop you from loving him or ruin your relationship.
2. Your kid says something to hurt you.
Kids’ brains are a work in progress. Knowing this doesn’t excuse your daughter yelling in a fit of anger that she hates you (or something equally hurtful), but it may help you understand she doesn’t always think before she speaks. If, in a fit of anger, your daughter says something to hurt you, let her know it’s not OK, but don’t take it to heart. She may not understand what she’s doing.
3. Your kid wrecks something you love.
Kids sometimes wreck things. Maybe your son colored all over your favorite baseball card, dropped your favorite coffee mug, or crashed the car. While you want to teach him not to do it again, once you’ve dealt with the incident, it’s time to move on. Don’t hold the loss of a thing as more important than your relationship with your kid.
Your kids need to know you see more than just their failures; they need to know you see them.4. Your kid messes up (and admits it).
When your daughter nervously begins a conversation with “dad, I need to tell you something,” it’s likely she’s going to share something she did that she knows is wrong. Whatever it is, if she’s already beating herself up about what she’s done, she may not need any further lecture or consequence from you. She already knows and wants to do better.
5. Your kid messes up (but is hiding it from you).
It caught you by surprise when you walked into your sons’ room and saw what he was watching on his phone. It’s an upsetting experience to catch your kid doing something you told him not to do, and what you do next matters. Correct the behavior and issue whatever consequences you need to, but don’t hold it over their heads. Your kids need to know you see more than just their failures; they need to know you see them.
Sound off: What other times should a dad forgive and forget?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “How do you let others know you’ve forgiven them?”