Do your kids ask you a bunch of questions? What’s for dinner? Why is the sky blue? Where do babies come from? They are searching and seeking answers to life’s biggest questions. They want to know how the world around them works. As parents, we get the privilege of shaping their worldviews.
What if I told you that along with questions about life, your kids are asking questions about themselves? Questions are in the heart of every child—questions kids ask that will shape who they are for the rest of their lives. No pressure, parents, but you have the answers that will radically shape your kid’s identity. Here are the 5 most important questions kids are asking about themselves.
1. “Do I have what it takes?”
All kids have this question on their hearts. They are experiencing new things every day in school, with relationships, and through sports. These new experiences bring to the forefront anxiety and pressure that asks a question. “Do I have what it takes?” As parents, we help them answer this question through support and encouragement. During our first season of basketball with my son, I realized he is a pretty good defender.
As the coach, I would put him on the best player. Each game, he would come up to me and say, “Dad, he’s the best shooter” or “Dad, he’s the biggest kid,” and every time, I would tell him, “You got this.” It was amazing watching his confidence grow in each game as his question was being answered. As parents, when we invest in and encourage our kids, we communicate that we believe in them. Every kid is unique and is asking this question in unique ways. You must be present and intentional to help them find the answer.
2. “Are you listening?”If you are not a good listener in your kids’ early years, they will not come to you later.
Fred Rogers once said, “Listening is where love begins.” Your younger kids want to share everything with you. They may talk your ear off, and it may bore you to tears. They just want to know if you are listening. Do you hear them? Do you hear their hearts?
It’s important for you to stop, slow down, and listen because as your kids grow, they change from just wanting to tell you stuff to wanting to ask you hard questions about life. If you are not a good listener in your kids’ early years, they will not come to you later. Slow down and listen.
3. “Do you see me?”
They are asking this question to everyone, not just you as parents. They are asking this to teachers, coaches, and peers. The greatest gift you can give to your kids is your eyes. They need to know that no matter what, Dad sees me.
When school, sports, and friends fail them, they still know they are secure because they have the eyes of their mothers and fathers. This is important in shaping and training kids to become productive adults. The more you see, the more you can speak into and correct and train your kids. They want to be seen, especially by Dad.
4. “What can I do to help?”
You may have read this question and immediately said, “Not my kid.” They may not be saying it outright, but it is a question in their hearts.
They want to add value, especially at home. Empowering them to contribute to small tasks and big will help shape them into adults. I have a friend who strives to teach his kids something new each month. These new things are typically ways kids can work or help around the house.
5. “Who is God?”
Do you know someone with father issues or wounds? How do they view God? In most cases, people with father wounds struggle to connect with the image of “God the Father” because they had a bad earthly father as an example.
Your kids are asking this question and you as their earthly father represent the first image they see of God the Father. How you show love, mercy, grace, and consistency will represent to your kids the love, mercy, grace, and consistency of God.
Earn some points: If you are married, share this iMOM article with your wife to help her connect with your kids: 20 Pillow Talk Questions for You and Your Child.
Sound off: How do you answer these questions with your kids?
Huddle Up Question
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “Do you think you have what it takes in life? Why? Why not?”