We heard glass slam on the floor behind us as we ate our dinner. My wife and I were on a date a few weeks ago and one of the waiters had dropped an entire tray of food and drinks. As the waiter walked by our table, I simply said, “He’s having a bad day.” At this moment, my wife dropped a bomb on me.
“I am glad you care about his day; you never ask me about mine,” she said. I felt defensive, but the reality is that our season of life is pretty crazy right now and she is kind of right; I don’t ask many questions about her. Our conversations tend to be about the kids and our schedules. But wives need husbands to talk about more than that. Here are 5 questions to ask your wife to make her happy.
1. What are you worried about right now?
I can always tell when my wife is worried because when she’s worried, she doesn’t like to sit still for very long. I could stay silent when I see that, but I’ve learned it’s better to ask her what’s worrying her. Asking this question can help you understand what may be going on in her heart. Just listen, even if her worries are irrational and you don’t fully understand them. Sometimes she just wants you to know and to listen.
2. When have I made you feel loved?
This question is not to put her on the spot or try to trick her; it’s to reinforce your love for her. Asking this question will give you insight into how and when she feels loved and what you need to do to make her feel loved. Whatever her response is to this question, big or small, make it a point to double down on what she says.
3. In three years, where would you like us to be?
In the busyness of the day-to-day, your wife is probably thinking about the big picture. What are the goals for the family in the coming years? Husbands usually are bogged down in the current moments, so asking this question confirms that you are in for the long haul and want to keep dreaming of a future together. This question gives security because she knows you care about more than the present.
4. How can I serve you?
If you don’t serve her very much, asking this question may cause her to think that you are up to something. This is not asking for a honey-do list, although she may give you one and if she does, you should do it. This is asking what you can do for her that will show that you love and appreciate her. Service nurtures your relationship, and it may be doing the dishes or it may be getting off your phone at night to just sit on the couch together.
5. What are some things I do that turn you on?
This question is more lighthearted, on purpose. Not every question needs to be deep in order to build stronger connections. When the mood is light, this question could make you laugh together but may also give you some insight into the things she loves about you so you can be more intentional and keep doing those things.
Sound off: What are some other questions to ask your wife to make her happy?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What are you worried about right now?”