The Righteous Brothers’ hit “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” is a classic song. Broadcast Music, Inc. counted nearly 15 million times the song had been played on American radio and TV by 2011. The song’s title alludes to the fact that romantic relationships often begin with great excitement, but that as time goes on, love can fade. You could apply this to marriage. In the early days, you find it exciting as you get used to one another, to sharing life together, and to all the firsts you share. But as life becomes ordinary, that excitement diminishes.
Love is meant to grow but many spouses can feel as though they’ve “lost that loving feeling.” If that’s where your marriage is, there is something you can do about it today. Look back on what your life was like when you were newlyweds. Remembering how you learned then to express your love for your wife can help bring back that loving feeling now. Here are 5 things you can do to make your wife feel loved again.
1. Spend quality time with her.
The demands of jobs and kids can mean that time together is fleeting. Some couples set aside a few minutes each day without kids, phones, or other screens to connect with one another. Others look for a way to reestablish date night—even if it is only once a month—to start investing quality time in one another. The time spent is a great starting point to rediscovering that loving feeling in your marriage.
2. Learn something new about her.
As the months grow into years, it can be easy to assume that you know all there is to know about each other. If you start to get the feeling that life together is boring, it is a good time to start asking questions of her and listening to her answers. What song does she sing along to while driving by herself? What does she think of while waiting to fall asleep? What does she love (and what would she change) about your life together?
3. Renew your wedding vows.
Asking your wife to renew your wedding vows may be a simple way to make her feel loved again. It gives you the chance to communicate and compromise as you plan the renewal. Taking the time to once again speak your vows out loud will do more than remind you of a past celebration. It may help you remember why you fell in love in the first place. It will also reinforce the fact that you chose— and continue to choose—one another each day.
4. Check in with her unexpectedly.
Early in marriage, husbands and wives often go out of their way to make sure the other knows he or she is loved and missed. Newlyweds master the art of a quick phone call or message and treasure even a five-minute visit on a busy day. Couples often suffer when physical distance grows between them, and time spent together comes at a premium. You can make your wife feel loved again by texting her simple messages, calling her randomly during the day, or meeting her for lunch when you didn’t have anything planned. Reminding her she is a priority in your life will make a difference.
5. Excel at the little things.
Choosing to show your bride how you love her will make a difference.Couples who fall in love often do so not because of one extraordinary moment but rather as the result of a series of small, simple acts of love. Choosing to show your bride how you love her will make a difference. Be ready and quick with your compliments. Apologize first, even when you don’t feel like it. Work on a habit you know annoys her. Do “that chore” you know she hates (without her asking). When you make a habit of doing these little things consistently, she’ll notice.
Sound off: What are other things you can do to make your wife feel loved again?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What do you do to make others feel loved?”