As someone who works with married couples, I hate this type of message from someone I haven’t heard from in a while: “Hey, I was wondering if you would have time for a call, coffee, or lunch.” Translation, 99% of the time: “My marriage has imploded. Can you help me?”
Typically in these cases, one or both spouses didn’t make time for the marriage. They allowed parent life to trump married life. They grew apart and resentful, and their marriage became no fun. Now they want to miraculously save it. I’m all about miraculous marital restoration, but why wait until a miracle is required? Here are 5 reasons not to wait to get marriage help.
1. Early intervention is easier than the emergency room.
Please, please, please, if your marriage has been struggling for a while, talk to a counselor, pastor, or wise friend now. Not tomorrow, not when work slows down, not when the kids start school—now. The longer you wait, the bigger and more complicated your problems become.
2. Apathy is a marriage killer.
I met with a couple who was struggling in their marriage. The husband was fighting mad, explaining all the things his wife was doing wrong. She was not mad or defensive, she was done. If your wife is still fighting with you, she is fighting for something. Get help with your marriage while she still has the heart to save it.
3. Your kids need your marriage to work…now.
Your kid’s marriage will probably look a lot like yours. Is that a good or bad thing? Don’t wait until your kid gets older or out of the house to make your marriage a priority. Show your kids there is no shame in seeking wisdom to protect your most important relationships.
4. Getting help lessens conflict.
Many people are afraid or uncomfortable to get help for their marriage. I get it—it’s vulnerable and sounds, quite frankly, odd. But if it will help you and your wife have less conflict and more peace, isn’t an hour of feeling vulnerable and odd worth it? Trust me, it is.
5. Having help in the present helps secure your future.
I often talk to men whose wives have asked for a divorce, and they usually say, “I would do anything in the world to save my marriage.” Don’t wait until it gets to this point! Asking for help gives your marriage more of what it needs to make it for the long haul: understanding, empathy, problem-solving skills, and resilience.
Sound off: How has someone helped you with your marriage?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What kind of person do you want to marry someday?”