“Stay together,” I remember saying to my kids over and over again. Anytime they wanted to explore apart from us, their parents, I prepared them for any possible predators. “Don’t go anywhere with a stranger. They’ll try to lure you to a private place,” I’d tell them. Then I’d warn, “It isn’t appropriate for people to touch you in these places, unless you’re being examined by a medical doctor.” I wanted my kids to be aware of the risks they were going to encounter so they were prepared to handle them.
I think most parents are vigilant in protecting their kids from in-person predators. Unfortunately, I think online predators are a different story. We need to prepare our kids for the predators they could face online. If we don’t, they can face online abuse or end up meeting up with somebody they met online—somebody they don’t realize wants to hurt them. We need to be aware of the strategies online abusers use and prepare our kids before they log on. Here are 5 tactics of online predators.
1. They pose as a child.
They will try to earn trust, and the best way to do that is to pose as a peer. Trust is the first step and the gateway into your child’s world. Posing as a peer gives predators the chance to come across as someone safe and relatable. When targeting tweens and teens, they will often pose as a romantic or sexual interest.
2. They gradually make the conversation sexual.
Once a predator earns a level of trust, he (or she, but 9 out of 10 predators are men) will introduce sexual subject matter. It will be subtle and calculated, gradually increasing. The whole idea is to normalize it. The child may feel a little weird about it but will often go along since kids don’t have the awareness an adult would have that this is a red flag.
3. They invite the child to talk privately.
Once they earn the child’s trust, they will try to isolate the child. Getting a kid alone is essential for predators to start manipulating, escalating the inappropriateness, and violating. Separating your child from you is a major goal, so predators will try to convince your child that they understand him or her better than you do.
4. They gather info to hold over the victim.
This is a pivotal part of an online predator’s process. They will try to get incriminating information that they can hold over the child. This is what gives the predator power. Predators will threaten to expose the child in some way. Some will use conversations the child has had and tell her how much trouble she will be in if her parents find out. Other predators will pose as an attractive peer, fake an interest, and ask for nude pictures. Once they get the pictures, the extortion begins. Tragically, many kids have ended up taking their own lives because of this scenario.
5. They conduct group grooming.
As disgusting and insidious as this is, predators will work together to groom children. Predators use a child’s innocence and trusting nature to gain access. Working as a team makes it easier for predators to earn trust, normalize inappropriate conversation, isolate the child, and apply pressure.
Prepare your kids.
Psalm 82:3–4 commands us to “rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.” Prepare your kids. Go over these tactics with them one by one. Tell them they should never share personal information, including pictures, with anyone online. Teach them the difference between appropriate and inappropriate conversation. Anyone they encounter online is unknown, even if they come across trustworthy. So, everyone should be viewed as a possible threat. Finally, if they ever feel weird or pressured, or are asked for a private conversation by someone online, they need to tell you about it.
Sound off: Are there other potential tactics of online predators to add to this list?
For a deeper discussion about this subject, check out this All Pro Dad podcast episode.
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What would you do if someone you ‘met’ on social media, a chatroom, or online gaming wanted to meet you in person?”