There’s an old story of a man who finds a magic lamp, meets the genie, and says “I wish for a bridge to cross the Atlantic Ocean all the way to London. The genie replies, “That’s crazy. Can you imagine how much concrete would be required? How deep the bridge piles would need to go? That’s an engineering nightmare. Please wish for something else.” The man pauses for a moment and says, “I wish I could understand my wife.” The genie looks back and him and answers, “Would you like your bridge to be two lanes wide, or four?”
It’s no joke that many men struggle to understand their wives. The root of many conflicts is our inability to grasp what she’s thinking or why she’s upset. One of my counterparts at our sister site, iMOM, wrote an article called 3 Common Frustrations of Wives to help women, but her points are important for us, too. If you have a frustrated wife, here are 3 things you might need to work on.
iMOM writes: I do everything for my husband, and he does nothing for me or the household.
It’s easy to start thinking about all the things you do: “I work long hours all week to provide for the family. I mow the lawn, change oil on the car…” But before you start defending yourself, ask for more specific details. Is there something she’s looking for help with? Do you thank her for the things she does for you? Is it time to have an honest conversation about how you’ve divided up household responsibilities? Is her deeper lament that you don’t do chores together?
If this is an area you need to work on, check out:
5 Signs Your Wife Needs You to Step Up Your Game
5 Ways Your Wife Needs Your Support
iMOM writes: He’s not the least bit romantic.
This one’s tough. For a lot of men, we think we’re all about the romance. But the truth is that many men equate physical intimacy with romance while she’s talking about the things you could do to speak to her heart. If this is your struggle, the Five Love Languages might be a good place to start. Do you consistently tell her what you love about her? Consistently spend quality time together? Reach out to hold her hand? Bring her flowers just because? Take on that chore you know she hates? Also, do you try to rush intimacy, or are you attentive to her in the moment?
For further reading, check out:
How to Be Prince Charming and Romance Your Wife
iMOM writes: He just doesn’t listen.
It almost seems cliché to point out the husband who isn’t listening to his frustrated wife. This is a cliché precisely because so many men are easily distracted, or we jump to conclusions and try to solve her problems when what she really needs is someone to hear her out. Have you practiced listening? Do you make specific time to turn off the TV and put down your phone so you can give your wife your undivided attention? Have you ever tried asking her “Do you want me just to listen, or would you like me to help you find a solution to this problem?” before trying to solve whatever it is?
For further reading, check out:
Why Becoming a Good Listener Will Make You a Better Dad and Husband
9 Times to Listen to Your Wife
Sound off: What other things can you work on when you have a frustrated wife?
For a deeper discussion about this subject, check out this All Pro Dad podcast episode.
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What’s the first thing you feel like doing when you’re frustrated?”