When my wife and I first got married, I was convinced that I knew how to be a great husband. However, it didn’t take long to see that I still had a lot to learn about caring for this beautiful lady I had chosen to be my wife.
Now that we’ve been married for over 15 years, I can honestly say that a good amount of our growth can be credited to the fact that we’ve learned that the other spouse’s needs are quite often different than our own. We’ve found that when we fail to realize what our spouse needs most, it can lead to unnecessary friction, frustration, and even resentment in our hearts towards one another.
As men, we are wired with different needs than your wife. While there could be many things included in this list of what women need, here are five of the top things I’ve learned that my wife needs most.
1. Sleep.
While the average person needs 7-8 hours of sleep a night to function at peak performance, women are naturally drawn towards needing more sleep than men. Many days, my wife will go to sleep before me, and also wake up after me the next morning, and guess what… it’s okay. Our wives need the extra rest, and we should be pleased for them to get it when possible.
2. Words of Affirmation.
Your wife needs to be told that she is loved, that she is beautiful to you, and that she is valued.While as men, we enjoy our wife re-affirming us and our roles, we need to make sure that we are constantly feeding affirmation into her heart and life as well. She thrives upon being affirmed by you. This could be by way of daily compliments, praise in front of the kids, or handwritten notes of love and affirmation. Your wife needs to be told that she is loved, that she is beautiful to you, and that she is valued.
3. Quality Time.
More than anything else your wife wants from you, she wants more of you, and specifically, more of your time. She wants you to talk to her, to spend time with her, and connect with her on an emotional and spiritual level as her husband. The only way that this can happen is through intentional spending and sharing regular moments of time, prayer, and dreams together.
4. Detailed Communication.
As men, we’re satisfied with coming home, giving our wife a kiss, and hearing the words, “How was your day?”…“Good”, and we’re good to go. But more than your wife needs your lips at the end of the day, she needs your ears. She has plenty of things to say if you’ll actually ask questions and make yourself available to just listen. She also wants to know more details, not less, about you and your day as well. A good husband must learn to be both a good communicator and a good listener.
5. Non-Intimate Physical Affection.
Every day, your wife needs you to hug her, to give her a kiss, and to tell her that you love her. She needs non-sexual expressions of your physical affection. This might include brushing up against her as you walk by in the kitchen, wrapping your arm around her on the couch, or simply holding her hand while walking together through the store. All of these things non-verbally communicate your love. They communicate to her that she is yours, and you’re thankful for it.
Huddle up with your wife and ask, “What are your 3 biggest needs?”