“Why don’t we go across the street? If you are man enough…” Derek was twice my size and much older. Yet, I was not going to allow him to pick on my little brother. So, rather than appear like a wimp, I courageously stepped in front of my brother and faced Derek across the street in the parking lot of a church. It was freezing that day, with ice and snow covering the ground. The moment we reached the emptied lot, Derek threw me down and pinned me. He picked up my head and began smashing it against the cold asphalt. He kept seeking an apology, but I didn’t offer one. I quietly took a beating for my brother. I guess Derek didn’t feel good about fighting someone who wouldn’t return his frustrated blows, and he let me go, riding away on his bicycle.
I felt more courageous that day and knew my brother and I would have a firmer relationship afterward. But now that I’m older, am I a courageous father? Are you? Our kids will mimic our behaviors more than they listen to our words. So, if we want our kids to be courageous, we are going to have to be courageous, too. Here are 5 times dads should be courageous.
1. When Your Child Needs an Advocate
In the corporate world, I’ve seen the residual effects of what happens to an adult who didn’t have an authority figure to advocate for them when they were younger. It creates a fear of authority. Our children need us to be their voice when they can’t speak for themselves. Being a courageous father means having the courage to challenge authority figures and systems when necessary. Whether it’s addressing concerns with teachers about learning situations, questioning a coach’s harsh treatment, or confronting family members about unfair behavior toward your child, advocacy requires a courageous backbone. As fathers, we must overcome the natural desire to avoid conflict and instead champion our children’s well-being. This doesn’t mean being confrontational. Rather, it’s about being firm, respectful, and persistent in ensuring our children’s needs are met.
2. When You Have a Chance to Face a Fear
Nothing teaches courage more powerfully than modeling it yourself. When children witness their father pushing through fear—whether it’s giving a presentation at work, trying a challenging new hobby, or confronting a long-held phobia (like public speaking)—they learn that courage isn’t about being fearless. It’s about moving forward despite your fears. This might mean letting your children see you nervous before a big speech, then watching you do it anyway. Or it could involve admitting you’re scared of heights but still joining them on a zip line. These moments create lasting impressions about resilience and personal growth.
3. When You Have to Make a Tough Parenting Decision
Some of the most courageous moments in fatherhood come when we must make unpopular decisions for our children’s well-being. This might mean being the only parent who won’t let their teenager attend a party, enforcing consequences when other parents are more lenient, or having difficult conversations about sex or substance abuse. These decisions often come with significant social pressure from other parents, family members, and especially our own children. Standing firm requires the courage to weather disappointment, anger, and even damage to our kids’ perceptions of us, knowing we’re acting in their best interest.
4. When You Have the Option to Be Vulnerable
Maybe the toughest form of courage for many dads is emotional vulnerability. Our culture often teaches men to hide their feelings yet showing our children that it’s OK to be emotionally open requires tremendous courage. This might mean letting them see you cry during a moving movie scene (I always cry when I watch the movie Warrior.), expressing grief openly, or being honest about your struggles and uncertainties. When we demonstrate emotional vulnerability, we teach our kids that true strength includes acknowledging and expressing feelings honestly. This creates a foundation for emotional intelligence and healthy relationships in their future.
5. When You Have the Chance to Take a Risk
Courage is also about embracing opportunities for growth, even when they’re scary. This might mean moving to a new city for better opportunities, starting a business, or simply trying new experiences as a family. When we demonstrate strategic risk-taking, we teach our children how to evaluate challenges and step out of their comfort zones. These moments of courage don’t always work out perfectly, and that’s part of the lesson. Sometimes ideas fail, or the risk doesn’t pay off as hoped. But showing our children how to handle setbacks and learn from failures is just as valuable as modeling success.
Who’s the most courageous father you know? What has made him courageous?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What is the most courageous thing you have ever done?”