My youngest child doesn’t worry about much. She thinks about unicorns, glitter, and kittens. My oldest child is walking the tightrope of the early teen years, and her mind is home to a tornado. I wish the early childhood stage lasted longer. But the clock doesn’t stop, and as kids get older, the storms in their minds are strengthened by insecurity. What causes insecurity in children? It usually starts with negative thoughts about their appearance and spreads to many other areas of life. Kids are even covering their faces in family photos now. It’s sad.
As dads, it’s time to grab our compass and trail map. Guiding our kids through inevitable insecurity matters because insecurity zaps their confidence. Some of the things that trigger insecurity are outside our control. But that means understanding where and how they are most vulnerable is paramount. You can address some of these today. Here are 7 things that cause kids to feel insecure.
1. Unmet Needs
Food insecurity impacted 7.2 million children in 2023. About 3 million kids weren’t covered by health insurance. When basic needs go unmet, insecurity soars. But a kid’s feelings of security are tied to deeper things, too. When kids don’t have their emotional or mental needs met, they feel unloved, unseen, and unworthy. Supporting your children is one of your top priorities as a dad, and it requires you to do the hard work of asking questions, analyzing what they need most, and working hard to fill those needs. Remember to show them love above all else.
2. Instability at Home
The divorce rate has been dropping in recent decades, but one in three kids, about 23 million nationwide, still live in single-parent homes. Instability in the home breeds insecurity in kids, which is why dads need to work very hard on their marriages. In psychology terms, divorce is considered an “adverse childhood experience.” Broken homes cause insecurity in children, and that manifests in social stress, behavior problems, and school struggles for kids. Childhood flourishing is downstream from a strong parental unit, so if you’re married, work on your marriage.
3. Exposure to Trauma
My neighborhood got slammed by Hurricane Helene in 2024. Less than a month later, here comes Hurricane Milton. My kids were very anxious in the days leading up to the second storm because they’d already seen houses flooded and trees toppled nearby. Traumas like natural disasters, abuse, neglect, and community violence shatter kids’ security. Do your best to remind them of one of your jobs as a father—to protect them. Psalm 46:1–2 says, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear.” Even in the midst of trauma, I believe God steps in and heals by serving as our strength when we feel like we have none left. Knowing there’s a loving God watching out for them can help kids feel secure.
4. Comparison
This is a trap most kids fall into. It’s only made worse by introducing social media into the mix, which constantly pits posters against each other in a battle for likes and comments. Fight back against comparison by reminding your kids of the words of Ephesians 2:10. They are God’s “masterpiece.” Last time I checked, artists don’t slap together a masterpiece. They painstakingly craft it with care, love, and attention to detail. God did that when he made each of us. When kids are secure in who they are, God’s masterpiece, they’ll fare much better in the battle against insecurity.
5. FOMO
Kids crave feeling included. When they get left out, or even think they were left out of something fun, many default to feeling unwanted and insecure. One of the biggest elements to FOMO is fearing that the opportunity to do whatever it is they want to do will never come again. Remind them to keep the big picture in mind. Bark recommends parents lovingly tell their kids not every fun opportunity is the last opportunity, and missing out today doesn’t mean they’ll miss out tomorrow. Don’t dismiss their emotions, but don’t let them get stuck in them either.
6. Discrimination
Being discriminated against cuts deeply and makes kids feel helpless. When this happens, talk to your children about showing love to one another. Explain how love should be our default reaction, with everyone, even during unfair moments. Jesus says in Matthew 22:37–39 that the two greatest commandments are to love God and love our neighbors as ourselves. Who are our neighbors? Everyone. Love for one another heals a lot of things, including discrimination. Choosing to respond to discrimination with love will calm your kids’ soul and show others that there’s a better way to coexist.
7. Inconsistent Parenting
When you are inconsistent with your parenting, you introduce confusion and doubt with your children. That breeds insecurity because the kids never know what to expect from Dad. Build trust with your kids and reduce insecurity by being consistent with your words, actions, and discipline. I think All Pro Dad spokesman Dan Orlovsky said it best: “What you say you’ll do may seem small or insignificant, but when you’re following through on your word, nothing is small.”
Sound off: Did you ever feel insecure as a child, and did it follow you into adulthood?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What does it mean to feel insecure? When have you felt that way?”