For many of us, nothing creates more angst than hearing our wives say, “How do you feel about this?” If that describes you, let me say of course it does. As guys, most of us were led to believe that emotions are not our friends.
Many of us were taught that certain emotions made you less of a man, out of control, and weak. But here’s the problem: Never are we more controlled by emotions than when we are running from them. And when you run from your emotions, your wife can feel like you are running from her. Here are 5 bad ways to deal with emotions in marriage.
1. Stuff
Some emotions don’t feel good, and we don’t know what to do with them. So we become the champs of stuffing feelings by ignoring, denying, and categorizing them as for the weak. The problem is that emotions can’t stay stuffed forever, so they eventually suddenly pop up in the form of anger or frustration, leaving our wives confused and hurt.
2. Distract
It is easier than ever to avoid our emotions. We can work all we want from wherever we want. A virtual Times Square of technological distractions constantly surrounds us. We never have to be left alone with our thoughts, much less with our emotions. And regardless of why we are distracted, distracted husbands are disconnected husbands.
3. Dominate
As guys, we pride ourselves on being strong. Many of us learned to deal with difficult things by manhandling them. So when we feel something we don’t like or feel vulnerable, we power up, white-knuckle, and dominate our emotions. Trying to power through your emotions can make you unapproachable and unavailable, leaving your wife feeling alone.
4. Dwell
Sometimes life brings us situations and people we simply can’t ignore. So we get stuck in a cycle of overthinking, often concluding it has everything to do with anyone but us—including our wives. Overthinking that leads to shifting blame to your wife is a surefire way to push her away, start fights, and kill the fun of marriage.
5. Self-Medicate
From food to sex to pornography, our self-medicating options are limitless. But self-medicating in each of these destructive ways often begins with not knowing how to deal with an unwanted emotion and desperately wanting it to stop. Self-medicating robs us ot two things every marriage needs: trust and stability. If this describes you, please take hope and take action to find some help.
Sound off: Why do you think emotions are so difficult for many men?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What do you do when you feel an emotion you don’t like?”