How much consumer thinking has slipped into your marriage? Answer the questions below:
– I (often, sometimes, rarely) compare my spouse unfavorably to others.
– In relation to our problems, I (often, sometimes, rarely) dwell on my spouse’s deficiencies; not my own.
– I (often, sometimes, rarely) concentrate on how my spouse is not meeting my needs rather than how I am not meeting my spouse’s needs.
– I (often, sometimes, rarely) keep score: I add up when I do good things or when I think my spouse does something bad.
– I (often, sometimes, rarely) think that my spouse is getting a better deal in this marriage than I am.
– I (often, sometimes, rarely) focus on my spouse’s defects rather than on his or her strengths.
– I (often, sometimes, rarely) wonder if I should have held out for someone better when I chose my mate.
– When we have hard times, I (often, sometimes, rarely) ask myself whether the effort I am putting into this marriage is worth it.
If most of your answers are “rarely,” congratulations. You do not treat marriage like a car that you can trade in when it ages and develops a touch of rust. If most of your answers are “sometimes,” ask yourself if things that you want are disguising themselves as things that you absolutely need. Try discussing your spouse’s needs and wants. If three or more of your answers are “often,” consumerism has severely infected your view of marriage. Do you want to be a “citizen” of your marriage, or take a “tourist visa” to travel the way of fantasy? Find out more with Doherty’s book Take Back Your Marriage.
© William J. Doherty. All rights reserved. This article was reprinted with permission from Families Northwest. Please do not publish this article without direct consent from the author. Family First is not authorized to permit the reproduction of articles contributed to FamilyFirst.net by non-staff authors.