As both boys collapsed in laughter, my daughter couldn’t believe what she’d seen. Across the living room, one brother had wrestled the other to the ground. Orienting his legs just the right way, he demanded that his older brother smell his feet. His sister was one part confused and one part grossed out by the exchange; she would never have dreamed of doing that to anyone.
While it would be easy for my daughters to see this as another way they will never understand boys, it’s also a very teachable moment. There are many lessons girls need to learn about boys that go beyond play and physiology. Last month, I wrote about the things we need to teach our sons about girls. Now, here are 4 things to teach our daughters about boys.
1. Different doesn’t mean better or worse.
The differences between boys and girls are often apparent to any kid. Where this has gone wrong in the past are moments when women have been denied rights, opportunities, or experiences simply because they are women. We need to teach our daughters that the differences they experience between themselves and boys don’t mean that they are better or worse than the guys are.
Talk to your daughter about the differences she sees between herself and guys so she isn’t intimidated or threatened by them but sees the distinctions as a gift.
2. You should expect boys to treat you with respect.
The saying “boys will be boys” is often used in our society to justify stupid things guys do, including the way they talk about and treat the women in their lives. Our daughters need to know that this isn’t healthy or good. Beginning with our own example, we need to show our daughters how a man should look at them, talk to them, and treat them. We do this in the way we talk to and act around the women in our own lives.
Talk to your daughter about the things others say and do to make her feel respected or hurt so that she has a clear sense of whose words she should listen to and whose words she should dismiss.
3. Not every boy deserves your time and attention.
While many dads joke that they wish their daughters would never date, it’s inevitable that guys are going to come calling. Our daughters need to have high standards for a guy who wants to take them out. We need to teach our daughters how to date and to be willing to say no (or end a relationship) when a guy doesn’t measure up.
Talk to your daughter about the things she’s looking for in a guy she would date and the things you think she should never compromise on so that she sets and keeps her standards high.
4. Boys feel more than they let on.
When boys goof off, yelling at and hitting one another, a girl might assume that guys don’t have deep thoughts or feelings. Our daughters need to know this is not always the case. Some guys may be shallow, but we need to help our daughters understand the reasons guys hate expressing their feelings, whether that’s fear, insecurity, or uncertainty.
Talk to your daughter about the times and places you feel most comfortable sharing your feelings so that she can help other guys she cares about to be able to express theirs.
Sound off: What are other things you could teach your daughter about boys?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “How can you tell if a person is feeling sad?”