My wife and I sat on the porch, hoping a few minutes alone would refresh us. Expectedly, one of the kids we’d put in bed 20 minutes earlier cracked the door. The interruption frustrated me because I wanted one-on-one time with my wife. I looked at my son, who was supposed to be sleeping, and said, “Hey, buddy. I’m proud of you.” Sounds crazy, I know. But he craved connection with me the way I craved it with my wife. I’d been at work all day and missed a family fishing trip. I knew he had caught some fish because my wife had texted me updates during the day. He’d worked hard to catch them, moving around to find the best spot to cast. “I’m so proud of you for thinking it through,” I said.
His reaction was priceless. He beamed, rocked his shoulders back and forth, came in for a hug, and skipped off to bed. My words changed the whole mood. Telling him I was proud was all he needed. It filled his tank and satisfied his need to be noticed. Your kids may know you’re a proud dad, but there is something special for them about hearing you say it. Have you told yours lately? Here are 5 reasons to tell your kids you’re proud of them.
1. They want to hear it.
There are plenty of things our kids want to hear that we’d be foolish to say. “Sure, you can stay out all night” comes to mind. But “I’m proud of you” is a no-brainer. I read an article claiming that saying this is patronizing. What nonsense. From a very young age, kids seek their parents’ approval and admiration. They want us to notice them. They want to know we love them, and hearing “I’m proud of you” is one of the ways we uplift them. So, say it. Those words can engage them and plant a memory in their brains that can be recalled during moments when they doubt themselves.
2. It boosts self-confidence.
Speaking of doubt, a lot of kids struggle with it. Doubt is the tension between what we think we believe and what we actually believe. Kids should never wonder if we are proud of them, but if we don’t say it often, doubt may fill the void. Verbalizing your pride matters. When they hear it, they now know it concretely. The uncertainty has been removed. The result of that assurance is self-confidence, which benefits kids mentally and emotionally at every stage.
You may be thinking, “I’m not great at saying that kind of stuff.” We totally get it. Not every dad is great with his word
s, but we’ve got you covered. The All Pro Dad Pride Moment certificate is a great tool to get the message across. Just print it out, fill it out, and leave it where your son or daughter will find it. Think backpack, lunch box, or even on their pillow. It’s an easy way to say “I’m proud” that they can keep. There are four cards per certificate, so you can remind your kids often how proud you are of them. The Pride Moment certificate will boost the confidence of kids at any age.
3. It makes a memory.
We do a “Pride Moment” during our monthly All Pro Dad Chapter meetings. It’s always the highlight. It’s just like the certificates, but gives dads the chance to praise their child in public. Each dad stands in front of his student’s peers and tells the entire room why he’s a proud dad. The kids remember that, and it’s always special to see them light up. There are hundreds of these All Pro Dad chapters sprinkled through the country and around the world. It’s easy to a find a chapter or start one on your child’s campus. We’ve seen that kids thrive when dads get involved at school, especially at chapter meetings.
4. It engages their brain.
UCLA neuroscientist and author Alex Korb has written about how praising someone engages his or her brain. Saying something like “I’m proud of you” triggers the hearer’s hypothalamus, the area of the brain that regulates productivity. Complimenting and praising your child will kickstart the production of dopamine, which can light up the brain and encourage kids to try their best. Essentially, if you want to motivate kids, tell them you’re proud of them. It’s like spraying lighter fluid on their ambition. It ignites their desire to succeed.
5. It really means “I love you.”
Sometimes, words mean more than one thing. “I’m proud of you” is one of those cases. It means the obvious—that you’re happy your kids accomplished something or you think they have high character. But it also sounds loving, which, if genuine, it is. I really try to personalize my praise with my kids. I tell them I’m proud in a way that connects with them personally. With my youngest, I gush over her artwork because she loves to draw. With my son, fishing. With my oldest, music and creativity. There are so many ways to say “I’m a proud dad,” but the important thing is actually saying it. Use whatever words will be most impactful with your child. The goal is encouragement and connection, and that works best when it’s tailored.
Sound off: What makes you a proud dad?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “How does it feel to know someone is proud of you?”