I was blessed in January 2024 to be named a head coach in the NFL. I took over the helm of the Carolina Panthers, a dream job. I’d won a Super Bowl, coached incredible players, and studied under great motivators as an assistant. Now, it was my turn to take all the lessons I’d learned and write my own story in pro football. To do that, I’d need to know how to connect with people. Franchises want the head football coach to set the tone, relate to alpha males, and set expectations for the direction of a franchise. Thankfully, I’d been training for the gig for over a decade—by practicing leadership at home.
What I do in my house with my wife, Lizzy, and our four kids works with a 53-man NFL roster, too. You’re probably thinking, “How are those two environments remotely similar?” In some ways, they’re not, but the key to both is knowing how to interact with people. It involves strategy. Some strategies will allow you to relate with pretty much any group. Here are 3 strategies for connecting with anyone.
1. Be conversational.
We ask a lot of questions in our family. Lizzy will ask me important things all the time, like, “What relationship do you want to have with your kids?” When trying to make family decisions, we all talk it out. I ask the kids stuff like, “Is this fun?” and “Is this good for everyone?” I want to raise kids who have awareness and empathy. They need to know other people matter, too. What better way to teach that than to model asking questions and being conversational? This strategy seamlessly bleeds into work life, where conversations on the sidelines and in meetings build camaraderie and closeness. Being conversational is part of how to connect with people; it’s how you draw people in. It breaks down the walls we so easily build between us and others. It allows people to be themselves, and that’s when you start bonding.
2. Be relational.
Cultivating relationships can be a joyful thing, but they require hard work. When I was coaching with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, my family lived in a different city. I made time for FaceTime calls with my kids to show them I’m available, even when not physically present. Now that we’re together in North Carolina, early mornings are reserved for my wife. That’s when we connect and keep our marriage strong. At the football facility, I want to know how to connect with people. So I get to know players as people. I want to know the man, not just the jersey number. Being relational is paramount. It tells the people around you that you care about them on a deep level.
3. Be sacrificial.
When I got married, I gave things up. When I had kids, I gave things up. When I became the head coach of the Panthers, yep—I gave things up. Being willing to sacrifice for others is what endears you to them. Not because you’re some pushover and your needs don’t matter, but because all relationships require some level of sacrifice. It means not making sweeping decisions at home because our wives’ feelings and desires matter. It means not holding too tightly to free time when we’re with our kids because they need to connect with their dad. Being sacrificial is loving, considerate, and others-focused. When we set aside some things we may want and give attention to what others need, it screams “I care about you.” It makes us better husbands, dads, friends, coworkers, and neighbors.
Sound off: Are you more of a strategist or a “wing it” person?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What does it mean to develop a strategy?”