love languages

I Hate My Wife’s Love Languages. What Do I Do?

English is my first language, but from kindergarten through grade twelve, I attended a French immersion school. While my French abilities have faded since, even at its best, it was my second language. For as long as I can remember, I’ve thought in English, sought out English leisure activities, and express myself best using English. We do that with love languages, too.

We seek out and speak our own love language instead of our wives’. Sometimes, trying to speak your wife’s love language can feel difficult and exhausting. How can a man who hates his wife’s love languages make her feel loved? Do these 3 simple things for her.

Talk to her.

Making a shift like this isn’t something you should do on your own. Let your wife know you’ve decided to make a conscious effort to be a better husband. Leave an opening for her to share her feelings on this decision. These are thoughts she can give now or after she’s had the chance to think it over. Chances are, she’ll have some thoughts. Don’t take her response personally, but as information to help you learn her language. This lets her know you’re trying and gives you the ability to check in with her to see how things are going.

Set a goal and practice.

Set a goal to do at least one small gesture each day for your wife in her love language.

Part of why my French is so rough is because I hardly use it daily. If I were to spend some time each day practicing my second language, I would be more fluent. The same is true for learning to speak your wife’s love languages: You need to practice daily. Set a goal to do at least one small gesture each day for your wife in her love language. Also, commit once a week to going out of your way to do something significant. Put a reminder in your phone if necessary.

Pay attention.

Choosing to speak her love languages will begin to fill her “tank.” Observe how this affects her mood, her attitude toward you, and her behavior. How does your relationship change? Don’t be afraid to ask her what she’s noticed and how she feels about what you’re doing. You might even choose to document what you see and what she says. All of this feedback can help motivate you to speak a language that doesn’t come naturally to you and to strengthen your relationship with your wife.

Sound off: What are some creative ways you’ve learned to speak your wife’s love language?

Huddle up with your wife and ask, “What makes you feel loved?”