“Daddy, can you buy me new levels?” my son came begging while holding my phone. As he saw the confusion on my face, he proceeded to tell me he was playing the dirt bike racing game on my phone and wanted to play new levels, which required money to unlock (cue Dad with the password). As I looked over the game, I noticed a dozen levels he still had not played yet—and if he were to play them and win, he could unlock the future levels for free (not to mention gain more skills to help him win those future levels).
It would have been easy to buy the levels and move on, but I wanted him to keep trying. Although it was just a video game, I didn’t want to protect him from a struggle he could eventually overcome. Our kids gain confidence when they push through a hardship and come out on the other side, so we need to provide them those opportunities. Here are 5 more reasons not to protect your kid from struggle.
1. It’s OK to fail.
A friend of mine told me, “Most mistakes in life are not fatal, and they’re not final.” It’s easy to feel like every shortcoming is the end of the world as a kid, but we need to show our kids how to learn from failure. My generation is often accused of overprotecting children. And sure, there is a lot to protect our kids from, but failure is not one of those things. By showing our kids they can learn, adjust their course, and try again, they’ll learn that it’s OK to fail.
2. Perseverance pays off.
Perseverance might be one of the most valuable skills our kids can learn. We all know life will bring difficulties and opposition, but through exposure to struggle, we can train this like a muscle so when our kids become adults, they’re ready to persevere. Inspire them with a story of your own about perseverance or take one from a person they look up to.
3. Everybody has struggle.
In today’s era of instant gratification and overnight success stories, it can seem like no one else struggles. It all looks so easy in a 30-second video clip showing the transformation. By giving our kids visibility into areas we struggle in, we can show them that they’re not alone in this feeling. Your transparency with your child may even spark more open dialogue around other areas he’s struggle in.
4. Success today prepares me for tomorrow’s challenges.
I read about a study that compared math skills from two groups. The biggest variable from the study was the amount of time individuals spent struggling with math questions that were more challenging. The group that had more challenges and spent more time struggling to get an answer, far outperformed the other group by the end of the study. Each day they got just a little bit better and were more prepared for the next day’s challenges. Overprotecting children from struggle can, overtime, lead to a bigger gap in their learning and maturing.
5. You’re not alone.
Struggling isn’t meant to teach kids how to succeed alone, rather we want them to learn where to find success and what relationships can support them. David said in Psalm 16:8, “I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.” By trusting God, confiding in friends, and finding a good mentor, our kids can stay encouraged during struggles.
Sound off: What are some examples you’ve seen of parents overprotecting children?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “In what ways do you think struggles might be good for us in the long run?”